BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) PARADES
I don’t get it. It’s 2010. Why in the blue hell do we need parades of any kind? I’m talking all of them. Screw the Christmas parade, the Thanksgiving one, the 4th of July one, and all the ethnic and alternative lifestyle ones too. The idea of walking, sometimes in costume, down a well traveled street and seeking special attention is lame. If you want to gather, rent a venue… go to a pick-nick… or hell, start or join a facebook group.
(THREE) TNA WRESTLING
I don’t get it. TNA wrestling shouldn’t even be on TV. If you’re a fan of wrestling or at least knowledgeable about its history of the past ten or twenty years then you should know this. TNA is basically WCW. It’s not even the good WCW when they were competing with WWF on Mondays. It’s the shitty WCW that came on Saturday nights. The only difference there is that WCW Saturday Night made sense and didn’t insult your intelligence. People who stick up for TNA on ANY LEVEL AT ALL are delusional douche bags. You might watch wrestling and claim to love it, but you don’t understand it and odds are you’re a little slow. Hell, maybe you want to be “different” and “rebel” against the favorite or norm(WWE). Maybe you think X-Division flippity-do-da wrestling is great. You could even think the old wrestlers are WAY better than the new ones. You should stop thinking and contemplate stop breathing. TNA is an insult to my childhood.
(TWO) TOSH.0
I don’t get it. Aside from the fact that Daniel Tosh is like a gay man’s Dane Cook, the show isn’t that bad. It’s an okay show, but I just don’t get the hype. VH1, Comedy Central, E!, and other networks have done this show for years in various formats. Find a host, most likely snarky, put them in front of a green screen and have them crack wises about people being dumb in internet videos. People are acting as if it’s innovative and funny. Not really on both accounts.
(ONE) BLACK FRIDAY
I don’t get it. Mere hours after eating Turkey, which is full of a small dose natures Rohypnal, people go wait in line to save a few bucks on shit they don’t need to begin with. It’s sad to think these people are willing to wait in the cold conditions of late November for hours to save $40 on a 12 inch flat screen. I experience this stuff last year, but I was seeking a hard drive and the only line I waited in was the check out line. But even the checkout line is retardiculous. Everyone rushes in to get what they want as if it’s American rations dropped in some third world country. People are grabbing three or four of the same thing just to have it in their possession before realizing they can only afford 1. But this goes on… chaos ensues… then everyone wants to go home. So there is a line of well over a thousand people in this retail going up and down every aisle with not much direction on what the hell is going on. I really hope that you get your child that toy so you can tell them “Mommy sold out her dignity and self respect for this…”
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