BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) VIDEO GAMES IN 2010
I don’t get it. What the hell happened to video games? I loved me some Nintendo and Super Nintendo. 64 and then Playstation were cool too. All was good in the world. I enjoyed 2D animation and the simplicity of the times. Playstation 2 came out and things started to change. I could no longer sit by and allow myself to carry on with the hobby anymore. It changed and the graphics got too real, the controls too complex, and the games less creative and fun. Yeah, your Call of Duty looks very realistic and it’s really cool to talk smack to little kids while playing… but you’re a douche. When I was a kid, we played video games. Now if you even touch a joystick… controller… digital fallacies…. You’re a “gamer”. Lame.
(THREE) FACEBOOK FOODIES
I don’t get it. Isn’t it enough that we already know you were planning on going to eat somewhere, we know of your inner dispute whether to go with this restaurant or that one, we are aware of who you’re waiting to meet there, and we are totally up to date with what you’re eating. Why? Because you took the time to type this information to the entire world on your facebook. Whatever, ignoring text is easy. But then you have to go an drop a cell cam picture of the slop that is on your plate. Are we supposed to respond with lust over your meal? Mock it because it looks gross? What? And really… why the hell should we care? This nonsense is really popular around the holidays. We get it… YOUR family makes the best meals! Whatever. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a facebook food picture that made me hungry. Get a hobby.
(TWO) RANDOM REGGAE LOVE
I don't get it. Out of nowhere, it seems that random reggae is the cool kid’s pick for music. It seems as if any one who goes to bars or to a club these days are instant Bob Marley biographers. Did you know he DIDN’T shoot the sherrif? That’s right… but I heard he may have shot the deputy. That… weed… one love… yeah yeah yeah. I assure you, weed will f*ck ya up even if bongos aren’t in play.
(ONE) MALE SHAKE WEIGHT COMMERCIAL
I don’t get it. The female shake weight commercial has been passed around like a virus. Everyone has seen it either online, on TV, or parodied on SNL. It’s that weight that women basically “stroke” to work out their arms. The joke and fun of it all is that it looks like the woman is wanking off someone. It’s obvious and kind of hot. Then out of nowhere, they started showing the same commercial… but with dudes! Gross. The second I realize it’s on, I can’t look at the screen until it’s over. It’s pretty damn uncomfortable to watch and I think it should be banned. Stick with the female version!
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