BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) JEFF DUNHAM
This one is stupid. It’s a dude with puppets and middle America eats it up with a spoon. He’s like Blue Collar comedy for people who aren’t into country music per-sae. The whole deal is that he’s supposed to project his voice to the puppets, but the problem is that you can see his lips move. If I tried pulled that shit at a junior high talent show people would be all over my ass, but he gets away with it? Boo-shit! His puppet’s characters are either stereotypes or cartoon characters. He’s like Joey Gladstone, except only about a third as funny and even less respectable.
(THREE) KATHY GRIFFIN
What’s Joan Rivers minus ten years and all the class? Someone better than Kathy Griffin, that’s what. If you look up “catty” in the dictionary you get the definition of “catty”. Kathy Griffin isn’t even good enough to even joke about her being worthy of being in the dictionary. Her whole shtick is that she gossips, “tells it like it is”, and lives for drama and controversy. I fail to see her worth. She talks up a big game, but she tends to overexaggerate her stories. There are appearances she has made that I’ve seen firsthand that she tells a complete over the top bullshit story about. It’s lame and so is she. She’s a living stereotype and is mom jeans and a chicken neck away from being a Molly Shannon SNL character about “showbiz”. She’s definitely the type that says “that’s funny” instead of laughing a little too often.
(TWO) BLUE COLLAR COMEDY GUYS
Ever see Kings of Comedy? These are the guys who owned their great great grandfathers. Foxworthy opened the floodgates with the “You might be a red neck if…” and Larry The Cable Guy knocked the walls down with the “Git er done” stuff. Then there’s Bill Engval and Ron White in the middle. Foxworthy is kind of like the redneck Tim Allen. Engval is useless and boring. Ron White is the one everyone latches on to. People will agree with the Blue Collar Comedy hate, yet always throw in the “BUT… Ron White isn’t THAT bad”. Nope. He is. “Tater-salad?” No Thanks. If you like Ron White you’re just as bad as the enemy. Then there is Larry The Cable Guy. He’s the measuring stick of my relationships with people. If someone sees a Larry The Cable Guy movie then they’re automatically dead to me. If they haven’t, there is still hope.
(ONE) DANE COOK
Was there any question about this one? I don’t understand Dane Cook’s popularity. He looks like Ryan Reynold’s retarded twin, sounds like has a stuffed up nose 24/7, looks like he smells like pee, and he wears way too many tank tops to be heterosexual. Dane Cook is laugh cancer. Dane Cook is the Gallagher of the MySpace generation. I guess there are some people who get a giggle out of a man smashing a watermelon, but I’m just not one of those people. In the same respect, there are some people who like douche bags being over the top and never having punch lines. Again, I’m not one of those people.
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