BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) YOU’RE GOING TO LOOK DUMB IN TIGHTS
Professional wrestling is the nerdy medium between loud sports guy and nerdy comic book/DnD type of geek. It’s athletic superheroes facing off in a ring. Two dudes wear tights, get into each other’s grills for awhile, get all dramatic like a badly written soap opera, and then they get into a ring and exchange moves in order to tell a physical story in front of a crowd of spectators that are in on it as well. Wrestling is never cool. I love it, but it’s not. It’s not something you bring up on a first date, it’s not something that should be brought up in job interview, and most people are going to give you “that look” when you tell them. The look is a cross between pity, shock, and awkwardness. The whole idea of professional wrestling, when you really think about it, is a really weird concept. It’s art, it’s athletics, and it’s so much more. Unless you’re a big fan or in the business, you’ll never understand the real appeal and depth of art behind it.
(THREE) DICKS & POLITICS
Professional wrestling isn’t all the “cool stuff” you see on TV. Like any business, there are inner-workings, cliques, politics, and douche-baggery going on. If you follow wrestling news and rumor websites you know there’s “gossip” and “reports” all the time about this wrestler being mad, this wrestler getting fired or suspended, this one is on drugs, this one and this one hate eachother, etc. etc. etc. That’s real even on the smallest level of wrestling. You’ll have this in the major companies, the indies, and hell, even in the backyard. You can’t get around it. It sucks, but it’s there and part of it. I’ve met some great people in wrestling, but there is a good percentage of pro wrestlers that are just bad people. Horrible people. Anyone who has ever claimed to want to avoid the politics is still politicking on some level. Being nice is politicking, ignoring people is politicking, and in the end everyone who isn’t your friend is out to get you. That’s the mentality of most. But in reality, it comes down to the fact that egos clash and shit happens.
(TWO) ALL PAIN, NO GAIN
I’m not talking about the pain of training and getting to the level of being a professional wrestler. I’m talking about the after effects. I know people who have had less than 50 pro matches in their careers whose knees, back, and neck are shot. It’s a dangerous sport. Even for those who aren’t doing hardcore or crazy spots, the wear and tear of the bumps, the road, and lifestyle will age you big time. It’s pretty much either be sore all the time, get surgery, or get hooked on self medication. This is a main reason a lot of the old time wrestlers end up dying. It’s the drugs they take to take away the pain and to keep them going.
(ONE) IT’S AN INCURABLE RASH OF HONOR
Once you put yourself into the world of professional wrestling you’re always going to have at least some part of you in the business. It’s as if you break off a piece of yourself and offer it to the wrestling gods forever. The experience of being involved with professional wrestling is something many wouldn’t trade for the world. With independent wrestling, it’s all pretty much the same as local music. Most of the people involved suck and don’t take themselves to the limits to make to the next level. It’s the closest thing to living like a rockstar while still sleeping in your own bed every night. The local rock stars who enjoy being local heroes and being able to wear the “I’m in a band” badge are the same in wrestling. There’s always going to be those who want to go far and push themselves and do the right things to make it happen. The few years I had in the business were chaotic, stressful, and aged me about ten years in less than half that time. It’s still a time in my life I’m very fond of regardless of everything not worth regarding to begin with. It will screw you up, leave you in pain, and break you down to the core of your soul at times, but anything it’s because of the passion, dreams, and personal investment one makes. If someone asked me if they should get involved with wrestling I know their odds of survival in the business and success in the business is minimal, but should you at least try? Fuck yes.
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