BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) THE BLACK EYE PEAS
They’re still around a lot, but not by our choice. Their album sales should reflect where they are right now. Their latest album and latest single has been reviewed as weak sauce and people just are into this crap like they were like five minutes ago. They still have their chance to make some comeback, but I have a feeling they’re going to level out. They had their time, as annoying as shit as it was, and it’s passed. They’ll still sell records and be on award shows, but they’re not going to reach that level of success again. Close, maybe, but nothing like how it was. Will period letters period letters should just produce, Fergie should stop peeing herself and be Gwen Stefani’s ghetto clone on her own time, and the other two should just go back to being background dancers for George Michaels. Maybe I’m being harsh, but I’m just saying.
(THREE) FAVRE JERSEYS
You gotta feel for those kids who got their first NFL jersey for X-Mas and it ended up being Brett Favre’s Minnesota jersey. I know he’s been there for a couple seasons and all that, but in perspective of the million years “Father Time” Favre has been the quarterback it’s mere seconds. Basically, it’s like Inception. 5 minutes of sleep in the real world is like a year in inception sleep time. If you use this math combine with Pi and Chevy Chase, Maine’s zip code then in many ways he was never even there. You might as well have a Michael Jordan Wizards jersey. Maybe I’m being harsh, but I’m just saying.
(TWO) KATE + EIGHT
I never bothered to remember her last name. I think it’s Gossler or Gusling. I’m sure I’ve read it a million times and have heard it just as many. My brain just deflected the noise signal that is her name when it was confronted with it. I hated this chick. Her hair is lame and she’s famous because God gave her super ovaries. She seems dim, superficial, and desperate. I don’t care about her opinion on anything and am starting to think more people are agreeing with this every time she opens her Chilean Miner-like hole. Maybe I’m being harsh, but I’m just saying.
(ONE) JONAS BROTHERS
What the hell happened here? Did one of them fart on Mickey Mouse or something? These kids were on top of the world for awhile, but have been overshadowed and over-haired by The Biebs. They flaunted their chastity rings, performed with Steve frickin’ Wonder on national teeeee-veeee, and were quietly compared to the Beatles in some circles. I’m pretty sure one got married, one had a solo album, and one is acting under the name of Chris Coffer now. I dunno, man. I’m grateful for this one. They’re done for now and if they don’t do something sooner than later possibly for good. Awesome. Maybe I’m being harsh, but I’m just saying.
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