BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) NOT USING SHOELACES WHEN ABLE TO
I don’t get it. I can accept penny loafers not having a penny, but not this. Wearing boots or shoes with no laces is retardiculous. Put some slippers on or a loafer of some sort. “Timberlanes” with no laces? That’s like saying “Yes, I’m a lumberjack… but like hell if you think I’m running anywhere!”
(THREE) SIMON COWELL
I don’t get it. How did not one, but two countries allow themselves to be bullied into thinking this man presents a quality product? American Idol is a joke that’s at the expense of millions every week. He built an empire in the UK and then came to the America and completely bitch slapped network TV. He is a failed music producer and keeps selling networks the same show over and over. “Contestants perform and then judges judge”. Sometimes there’s a “call in” twist and sometimes it’s “meaner” than others. The networks keep flushing but aren’t realizing that Cowell keeps recycling the same shit over and over.
(TWO) GANGS
I don’t get it. It’s 2011. Everyone uses the internet, I don’t think they even sell toilet paper with less than two plys, and you can just about always find a “Shake Weight”(female, preferably) infomercial on TV at night. What the hell do we need to be fighting over? Turf? Ha! People can’t afford their houses and rent. There is no “turf”. Disco died and people stopped dressing like Saturday Night Fever. Gangster rap is a thing of the past, but yet we still have gangs. Pull your pants up, put on a nice shirt with sleeves, and get a vodka label… That’s “thug” now.
(ONE) THE ABUNDANCE OF FOOD SHOWS
I don’t get it. I’m not against a good cooking show. Julia Childs, that old white guy with the white beard and glasses from back in the day, Emeril, and others have put on some great shows. They’re entertaining, informative, and the “show genre” was not oversaturated. Now there’s the Food Network, Cooking Channel, and then foodie shows on tons of network and basic cable stations. It just seems like there are soooo many shows being thrown at us. It’s like the rise of the reality show all over again except we’re not only following the lives of strangers, but we’re supposed to follow the cooking habits and skills of strangers. With food shows it’s hard to judge anything other than presentation. We don’t know how it really is. There are a million cake shows where they basically use barely edible molding clay and make somewhat edible sculptures. It’s stupid. The citizens of the US are fat enough. They’re not expanding their cooking horizons, they’re watching food porn. Enough!
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