BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) WRITER
Yeah, Paris Hilton is a writer. She writes more than signatures on checks and autographs for people to sell on ebay. She put out a book about her favorite subject in 2006. The autobiographical book, “Confessions of a Heiress” made her $100K in advance and it did well in sales while being panned by critics. A follow up came out later, this time a designer diary. Hell, to make it even more crazy she’s in Oxford. Yep, the Oxford Dictionary of Quotations put her quote of “Dress cute wherever you go, life is too short to blend in” into their 2009 edition.
(THREE) CRIMINAL
Paris Hilton has done more crimes than most people currently in jail. She has been arrested for drunk driving plenty, she’s had an ankle bracelet, rehab, weed possession, cocaine possession, and more and more. She’s like a younger female version of Charlie Sheen, except with testicles.
(TWO) ACTRESS
It’s crazy to think about how many hours of Paris Hilton has been on television, but even crazier when you consider how much time of that was her acting in movies and television shows. I’m not saying she’s a good actress, but the effort (sorta) is there. I’m talking like over a dozen movies, plenty of television, and even a few small successes.
(ONE) OLD WOMAN
Today, February 17th is Paris Hilton’s thirtieth birthday. That’s not “hot”. It’s almost safe to assume that she’ll probably spend more money or at least have more money spent on her today that any of us would have for the complete year. In most cases, even longer. Also, she spends her birthday on Letterman. My last birthday was spent watching movies and eating pizza.
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