BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) TEXTING
For realzies. Just give it up. 1995 called and said nothing you have to type on a phone can’t wait for a more appropriate time. Either pick up the phone or go sit in front of a computer. You look like a child who is really good at Gameboy. I’m pretty sure more people die from texting than cancer and AIDS combine now. At least that’s what I read… in an email!
(THREE) WATCHING BAD TV
I’m going to take a stance here and declare that Jersey Shore, American Idol, and Glee as BAD TV. I know what you’re thinking… “Who the eff are YOU to decide?” I’m just that guy. So for 40 days watch The Office, watch Conan, watch Community, watch Fringe, and watch something that doesn’t involve fake tans and pretending horrible singers are good when they suuuuuck.
(TWO) SMOKING
I’m not saying quit smoking, that’s up to you. I’m just saying if everyone quit for 40 days the world would probably blow up. The tobacco executives would probably shit themselves so much that it’d throw the gravitational pull off of Earth and make us time travel back to when cigarettes were like a buck a pack. I’m not going to start back up myself, but I’d imagine the economy would be better pretty quickly.
(ONE) SACRIFICING
Give up giving it up! If you want to indulge, indulge. If you want to drink that extra drink, eat that extra eat, or smoke that extra smoke. Life is too short to not be having a good time. People make too many sacrificing thinking it’ll make life better for those around them, but it’s okay to take a step back and treat yourself. I know the idea of Lent is the exact opposite of this, but no matter what you believe I don’t think any higher power would really care if you treat yourself every so often. The dude did make water turn into wine. Last time I checked, water was sufficient in survival and wine was a luxury. See my logic there? I hope so!
|
