BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) LIL WAYNE
Lil Wayne is what happens when the Jim Hensen people take a muppet of Lil John and add every gang related stereotype they can. Flat bill hat? Check. Teardrop tats? Check. Tons of weed smoking and drugs? Check. Criminal record? Yep. The list goes on and on. Kids and imbeciles love this guy. His songs are boring and lame. It’s autotuned garbage that is passed off as “music”. When you use that much computer enhancement to something, it loses its soul. Then again I don’t think this music is made for soul or relation. Its party music for people you don’t want to party with. It’s techno at its worse.
(THREE) STAIND
If you take Limp Bizkit and mix it with Nickelback then you’ll get Staind. It’s like Creed for the more jocky of jocks. They have like a dozen singles that all sound the same and one really popular song that features Fred Durst. Staind is the blandest example of what rock and roll is. Sadly if you go into any “local bar”, I can almost promise you that you’ll hear this band. In the least you’ll find them a dozen times on their jukebox. If you like Staind, odds are you’re a boring person with limited exposure to what music is out there.
(TWO) RIHANNA
I don’t get it. Why is she famous? She’s SORT OF cute, but I don’t find her attractive really at all. Her hair bothers me and whenever she does anything “out there” it comes off really contrived and thought of by a “team”. Her voice has that weird reggae sound to it. It’s kind of like when you make a computer or some sort of “text to voice” technology use slang. A lot of syllables and inflections all over the place. Pop music is bubbly and artificial. I know this is nothing new, but there is something really manufactured about Rihanna that irks me. She doesn’t even seem like a person, but more so a caricature of what Jay Z thinks a pop star should be.
(ONE) INSANE CLOWN POSSE
I once called a radio station and proclaimed that ICP should include a bar of soap with their next album so their fans can bathe properly at least once. A little hateful? Maybe. Yeah, whatever. I’m not even going to touch base on my thoughts of the Juggalo fan base. I’m going to also avoid opinions on anything personal. I’ve listened to plenty of ICP’s music over the years via friends. I know what they’re about and the basic style of what they do. It’s garbage. The rapping is on par with an old woman “doing raps” from early 90’s movies. The themes are varied from sexual crap, hateful crap, peaceful crap, and just flat out silly crap. There is a slight tongue-in-cheek charm to their music, but the problem is that eventually that tongue turns into a razor blade and pains you every second it’s around you. They have made a mint on a mediocre product. You can listen to whatever you want, but I’m going to question your intelligence, moral code, and overall personality if you’re into this shit. Odds are strong we’re not going to mesh well.
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