BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) THE LONGEST YARD
I have always been a fan of Steve Austin. The Longest Yard was a fun movie and it had a lot of wrestlers in it, but to me it was all about Steve Austin and Kevin Nash. Nash was the comedic relief and did pretty well with it. I always wondered why he didn’t do more in film than what he’s actually landed. Austin of course is way more active. This was his first movie and he came out with some range. He played a racist redneck prison guard. It wasn’t just that he came in and filled a stereotype, but rather made the character a bit intimidating and douchey. After being one of the most successful and popular wrestlers it was awesome to see him flip the switch so easily.
(THREE) THE EXPENDABLES
This is one of the worst movies of all time. Never the less, it’s still praised by dumb people for being a great popcorn flick. It wasn’t even that. It was an abortion gone wrong. All that hype and all those big stars and THAT were the best they could throw us? A-Team, The Losers, and every other ensemble action movie that came out that time were a million times better. The real villain of the movie is the plastic surgeon all those old foggies use. So yeah, I hate this movie. Still, they put everyone who was anyone in action movies in this film. The fact they included Austin pretty much puts him on the map and shows how far his respectability has come.
(TWO) CELEBRITY DEATHMATCH
He came on when the Attitude era was hot and MTV struck success with the Celebrity Deathmatch stuff. I’m surprised that he played himself in claymation form for FOUR seasons. Yes, FOUR. THAT many. I didn’t think THAT many at all. Maybe a few appearances, but he was pretty much a regular. He was a guest commentator and shows up multiple times in random roles. He shows up so casually on the show that you almost take for granted how much he was around and how funny his character was.
(ONE) THE CONDEMNED
This is EASILY Austin’s best movie. It was a WWE Film and got a theatric release, but it feels like it’s still under the radar. This movie reminds me of a really fun old 80’s action flick. Segal and Van Dam would be proud. Steve Austin, Vinnie Jones, and some random other people are all evil criminals from random places. The evil villain guy puts them all on a island and has them fight to the death. The winner is free. It’s a pretty simple plot. It does feel like it’s been done before, but it works. I can’t recommend this movie enough if you’re into action movies of old. Good stuff. I’d love to see more like this from him…
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