BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN
Can we PLEASE get the pirate costume off Johnny Depp so he can get back to acting in roles that don’t require a costume. While we’re at it, keep Tim Burton away as well. I miss Johnny Depp doing movies about human being, modern human beings. I know he can act his ass off in the right role, but these fluffy character roles are becoming a bit draining. Seeing more and more of these lame Pirate movies pop up just saddens me. It reminds of a better day when Depp was making stuff like Blow, Fear and Loathing, and The Ninth Gate.
(THREE) FAST AND FURIOUS
Does the world really need another movie about Vin Diesel and Paul Walker doing stuff in fast cars? I think Tyrese, The Rock, and like a dozen other “big name” people are in this latest one. It’s seriously the FIFTH movie in this franchise? Seriously, FIVE? How many times do we need a “Whoa! Look at that shiney car go fast! So much is on the line!... THIS TIME!” storyline. I know that they keep making flashy racer type speedster cars, but couldn’t a NEW concept be brought in by now? Does this franchise actually succeed THIS much to merit more than one or two? This franchise has six movies too many.
(TWO) MEET THE PARENTS
There is like four or so of these too. Is the general comedy movie going public so deprived of something good to watch that they keep endorsing money over to these people? Ben Stiller is trying VERY hard to have the “slap sticky normal guy” thing that Steve Martin owns in these movies. It doesn’t work. I love me some DeNiro, but not in these shitty movies. It proves he can only play two speeds… serious mafia/cop tough guy or self deprecating tough guy. For the love of comedy… this HAS to end. Then again… a Focker Funeral sounds fun…
(ONE) TRANSFORMERS
I will give them credit for ditching Megan Fox, but I still have a strong disliking for anything Shia LaBeouf. I do appreciate he hasn’t oversaturated himself and I hope that things change in the future, but these Michael Bay fart and release projects suck. The robots and stories we grew up with are nonexistent. Instead they took the idea of “robots who change into things” and took it a whole new lame direction. The stories are bad. The acting is bad. The visuals are bad. The whole kit and kabootle is BAD. I wish this franchise would morph itself into a gun and mercy kill itself. Let the cast and crew free… let the viewing audience free… Save us Go-bots!
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