BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) BARTLES AND JAYMES
I don’t really want to drink a wine cooler. It’s like cheap wine meets a cheap soda. Still, I’d totally sneak a sip of a Bartles and Jaymes,… if anything just for old times’ sake. I think the statute of limitation is over so I can admit that as a child I drank my share of wine coolers. There might be more alcohol in mouth wash, but there was just something amazing about these things. It brings class to a sleazy situation.
(THREE) FRAGGLE ROCK
It feels safe to assume that Jim Henson made the muppets with a hippie mind set. These puppets are as “70’s funk” as they come. They’re smooth, witty, had that green/orange color foundation, and really hit its strides. Fraggle Rock was all of that… but for kids and the stonerrific mush minded adults alike. I’ve not seen the show in a LONG time, but my memories are pretty damn fond of it.
(TWO) 25 CENT CUPS OF SLIME
I still see them around out there, but the contents have improved. I would love it when my mom or dad or anyone for that matter gave me one of those little plastic orbed shape containers full of a random prize. First you’d have to use your teeth to open it, then the toy would suck or you’d lose it and have this random little plastic container ball for no reason. Sometimes they had little football helmets, candy, horrible tin foil jewelry, and sometimes… sometimes they were full of slime! You’d throw it on the wall or ceiling and it’d just stick there…. Leaving a stain… and making a huge mess. A huge AWESOME mess.
(ONE) PHONE BOOTHS
Everyone has cell phones now. You barely even see pay phones anymore. As the personal phone craze grew it felt like the first thing to go was the phone booth. A few years ago, when even LESS people has cell phones, I attempted to find a local phone booth. I had no luck. Everywhere that I remembered having one was gone. This is a HUGE problem with me for two reasons. First, where is Superman going to change now? Second… How will the Wylde Stallions save the world without a phone booth? Pretty irresponsible, folks. This one is on you.
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