BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) RIHANNA’S APPEAL
I don’t get it. She has a horrible nasally singing voice. It started off as an offshoot of reggae and slowly warped into a stubborn robot. Besides the “Umbrella” song, which is the exception, her voice is best suited for appearances on better artists. Even then I don’t like it. And physically, she just doesn’t do it for me. She’s too skinny and seems boney. The rainbow colored Hitler hair just isn’t my cup of tea.
(THREE) VOCAL TALENT SHOWS
I don’t get it. No matter how to slice it or try to dress it up, vocal talent shows are a joke. You can NOT justify them. It’s the same garbage. It’s clean-cut happy boring people doing televised karaoke of current and old Top 40 songs. They’ll throw judges, coaches, and different competition stuff at the wall but at the end of the day it’s just another cover song. It just shows how stupid our culture is becoming as the ratings for this crap is as high as ever.
(TWO) THE ROYAL FAMILY
So the Brits have a ruling body government? They have a Prime Minister and other levels of leadership as we do. They also have a family they call “royality” who the world pretends still has leadership and prestige. The Queen isn’t sending out explorers, they aren’t enforcing any rules, and they have NO SAY IN ANYTHING. They’re just a famous family. That’s ALL THEY ARE. They are the Karashians with a thousand years of episodes in history book syndication.
(ONE) SKINNY JEANS
I don’t get it. I understand the idea of trying to show off your junk. It’s lame and makes more people uncomfortable than happy… but I get it. Rockstars crotch stuff to make this whole thing work. This whole thing is just bad news. Sadly, this wet shit of a trend trickles down to the youth and those reaching back for it. We not have teenagers and ugly bar rats wearing skin tight jeans. People mock pro wrestlers for wearing tights, but at least they’re not in denial about it. Just because they’re pre-washed, pre-shrunk, pre-bleached, pre-ruffled, pre-ripped, pre-worn, pre-pubescent doesn’t mean you need them. I much prefer the term “skinny jeans” ONLY in reference to fat people overestimating their boundaries. And if a skinny person wears skinny jeans shouldn’t we just called them “jeans”? Like having toast or fries in France… or Bacon in Canada… or cheese in Wisconsin. It’s obvious. We already have the “why do we PARK in a DRIVE way”.
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