BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) DEF LEPPARD
I hate “Pour Some Sugar On Me”. It is one of the most annoying songs of all time. It had its charm the first few times, but if you have ears you’ve been exposed to this song about a trillion times already. Did I miss the memo on this? Is this one big joke that the world is in on? This song sucks. It’s cheesy as hell and the epitome of the worst of “hair metal”. I base this entirely on the one song because that is the only thing about this band that anyone cares about. Sure they have fans who’d say “Hysteria! Blah blah blah!” Whatever. They suck.
(THREE) BON JOVI
I love “Wanted Dead or Alive”, “Shot Through The Heart”, and I have no ill will towards Jon Bon Jovi, Richie, or the guys. They all seem cool enough and down to earth. I just can’t get into them. They had some really big hits in the 80’s and early 90’s and then from there they made the same songs over and over. It really sounds like the singles from the past ten years all come from the same album. It’s the same general melody and delivery. There is no evolution, no growth, and no artistic drive. They ARE talented, but right now in 2011 they’re bland as hell. The more crap they put out the harder it is to appreciate their glory days.
(TWO) BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN
Do I respect Bruce Springsteen? Sure. Do I like his music? Not at all. I just can’t get into his pseudo-folky rock crap. I’ve dug some melodies and I remember the glory years of the 80s. The main problem I have is the lyrics. It’s as bad as current pop-country. The songs find a theme and then paint a very basic picture. There’s a whole joke about it in the movie “BASEketball” that rings so true. It’s very drab descriptions sung with strain and passion. Then people confuse the presentation for substance.
(ONE) KISS
Kiss is the most overrated rock band of all time. They aren’t even a rock band. They’re a pop band pretending to be a rock band. It’s not even the idea that they have weird costumes because I can accept that. It’s just they never evolved. They make generic rock music for generic people. The other guys in the band are whatever, but Gene Simmons is a douche. He is the most unlikable human being I have ever seen. He is the worst of every stereotype. I never liked the band or music, but I could have just ignored them. Gene Simmons’s doucheness is so strong that instead of indifference I have really negative feelings. The man is a human fart.
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