BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) 4 SIGNS YOU’RE A HIPSTER
-READ IT HERE-
I think this is the most recent favorite. Hipsters are taking over the world and we need to make sure they’re contained to coffee shops, shitty bars, and Modest Mouse concerts. In this list, I cover four areas that are stereotypical hipster fodder. I describe the clothing, the music, the lifestyle, the beer, the nerds, flannels, beards, v-necks, and much much more. My favorite part is “It’s like a thousand little snowflakes claiming the old “no two snowflakes look alike”. No really, they do. You look like how Johnny Depp would if he went to a state college. The only difference is that you’re not Johnny Depp and you look like a feminine lumberjack.” I think my problem is that it’s metro-sexual grunge. It’s like pop punk without a razor; for shaving not cutting. Well… either way.
(THREE) 4 REASONS WHY UFC IS PROBABLY FAKE
-READ IT HERE-
An oldie, but a goodie. UFC and MMA is retarded. It’s barbaric and lame. People who try to put some kind of smart talk behind it are only kidding themselves. It’s two jacked up guys without the charisma or charm of a professional wrestler beating the hell out of each other in a cage. It’s like when people try to talk mechanics of boxing. When it comes down to it all it is is two dudes punching each other. Yeah, “strategy” does come into play but you can say that about ANYTHING. I use soooo many strategies when I blow my nose. I’m going to throw some name karate sounding names to it to give it credibility. Karate and martial arts are cool with me. They teach defense, discipline, and respect. If you think UFC has ANY of those attributes then you’re stupid.
(TWO) TOP 4 DREAM SNL MOVIES 70’S
-READ IT HERE-It’s one full year of Daily Fournications. Now we look back at what I’d consider my favorite four topics thus far. This was hard because there is 365 days worth of material. I never missed a day. Some days go up late and some early, but every day since July 4th 2010 has been accounted for. One common trend of topics has always been Saturday Night Live. It’s a huge part of who I am as a comedy fan and writer. Writing these columns I get to pick my top 4’s, worst 4’s, and in this case a good ol’ fashion hypothetical discussion. I went with my Top 4 Dream SNL Movies from the 1970’s. Basically, it’s characters who should have had a movie. I look over this list and it’s still something I can stand by. Wild and crazy guys! Hell yeah!
(ONE) TOP 4 NEW COMEDIANS
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This was the first “Daily Fournication”. You never forget about your first. I love comedy, which I think is pretty clear, but what I really like is freshness. I like things that are awesome all day long, but when it’s new and awesome it brings a whole new sense of excitement and anticipation. With comedy, I’m always going to love Carlin, Hedberg, Pryor, Steve Martin, Eddie, Katt, and the big ones. The problem is that I’ve heard all those jokes. I know those perspectives. I’ve lived with those laughs for years. The NEW batch of comedians is what I really dig. It’s new jokes, new perspectives, and the start of new people to follow the careers of. On this list I have Deon Cole. He’s still writing for Conan and has popped up more and more. I have Bo Burnham who is getting himself famous and has had good success. I really liked his first Comedy Central show, but his hour long wasn’t as good. Still better than most. We finish up with two of my favorite new comedy voices in Donald Glover and Aziz Ansari. Glover has his movie project and is building a name for himself. Meanwhile, Aziz is sooo close to breaking out it’s crazy. He’s awesome on Parks, he has that great special still under his belt, and he’s popping up in some movies. I would really change this list, but I wish I had put Whitney Cummings on it. I did do a “new female comedian” fournication list, but she’s awesome. Maybe Reggie Watts as well. There’s actually a few… Well, I suppose a 2011 update wouldn’t be a bad idea after all.
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