BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) SPORT BIO PICS
If you’re going to do a bio pic on Michael Jordan, Larry Bird, Wayne Gretzky, Wilt Chamberlain, Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, or other big time icons then I’m okay with this. These types of people are timeless icons and their story should be told. I’m just tired of all these non-pro bio pics. I don’t even know the dude from “Blindside” ‘s name. Anything that’s college football that’s not Notre Dame related is typically boring and crap. It’s always these overly dramatic and overly emotional “overcoming the odds” movies. It’s sports. I know I’m stereotyping, but how often are jocks smart enough to carry a basic conversation? Their world and life is much more simplified than others. It’s working out and playing with balls with some tears and heartbreak thrown in for dramatic effect.
(THREE) IT’S NOT THE SHADY GUY
How many times do we have to see this? There is something stolen, something afoot, something just uncomfortable going on and we’re shown some creepy person or shady guy. It’s done two ways. The characters automatically think it’s the shady person or the direction and camera angles manipulate the viewer to assume so. Then we find out the shady guy is NOT the bad guy, but some misunderstood nice guy. They’ll do it with race too, which sucks. How many times do we have the “this mid eastern man is NOT a terrorist” plot now? How often did they do this with black people? When it’s not done on race, it’s done on just pure creepiness. Like the old guy neighbor in “Home Alone”. I think they’re making people too open to getting mugged. I understand this tells people not to judge a book by its cover, but dammit, sometimes the shady guy IS the shady guy.
(TWO) PLATONIC = REAL LOVE
Dear Random RomCom Guy, – C’mon. It’s RIGHT there. Stop mulling over the cheerleader and realize the cute tomboy girl that’s hanging out with you is the right one. She’s into the same stuff as you and share a common rhetoric that’s basically flirting. When she gets all dolled up she turns out to be even hotter than the cheerleader anyway. And in reality you know that no matter what she’s going to get back with the starting quarterback at the end no matter how much of an asshole he is. Now focus on your work hurdle and/or big sporting event before your voice over fade out – Good luck, Mike
(ONE) SWITCH LIVES
“I hate my life, yours is better!” – “Yeah! YOUR life is much better than mine!” POOF! Random unreal crap happens. The two complaining party’s brains and personalities are then switched when they wake up. It’s a “walk a mile in my shoes” crapfest. It’s been done in so many different ways now. The first I can think of is Freaky Friday, but it’s happened more often than I like to admit. It kind of happened in Big, it happened in Vice Versa, it happened in Trading Places(no magic, just old white people), any sitcom to go more than 6 seasons, it happened in Face/Off and now a Ryan Reynolds movie. It’s just we never see a new twist to it. It’s ALWAYS the same with the same end game.
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