BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) ENERGY DRINKERS
These overly sugary drinks taste like a mixture of piss and pixie sticks. You’re life isn’t THAT rushed. You don’t REALLY need an energy drink. You just have yourself convinced that your life is so busy and you’re so tired that you MUST have an energy drink to function. Try not being a lush and try getting a decent night of sleep. I can understand some crazy nights happen and you can’t sleep much or you’re just hung over. This is when you do what non-douchey people have done for years. You drink some coffee, not that Star Bucks cinnamon diarrhea, some real coffee. You drink coffee, drink some Gatorade, and you eat something greasy.
(THREE) COMIC CON
I understand the concept of special interests conventions. They have tons of variety out there and it’s cool when a group of diehard fans can get together and share in the passion. Why do HBO and Showtime television series have panels at Comic Con? It’s totally cool that they’re being interactive with their fans, but it should be strictly comic books and comic related stuff. It seems really cluttered with any and all movie or show that gets their own panel room. I don’t hate that aspect. I don’t get the huge hype of THE Comic Con in California every year. I think I missed something. Why does THAT location get all the love? Why not Chicago? Why not New York? It’s in the LA area; it just seems like a really easy and cheap way for certain productions to come off as “hip”.
(TWO) BAM MARGERA
He’s a rich kid who got lucky. If you look up “Overrated MTV Douche Bag” on google, you should see Bam Margera’s name pop up. If not, it must be a glitch. Bam was always the lamest of the Jackass crew. He was and is a whiney over privileged kid who is a social retard. He can’t go without trying to get attention and doing whatever he wants. His MTV show was right at the point when MTV started to officially suck. You could say it did before then, but I credit his show and the “Newly Weds” crap as the beginning of the end. I really have nothing good AT ALL to say about this guy. His parents seem sweet, but something went wrong with this girl’s upbringing. Not a typo…
(ONE) INTERNET CAT HUMOR
I was hoping this fad would end for a few reasons. The first reason is I think it’s stupid. The second reason is that I think it’s about time for dogs to get another shot at the pot. Thirdly, it’s one of the internet’s dirtiest trends of all time. Cats are gross, but people seem to like them for some reason. You can get in on this one if you want. All you do is take a random picture of a “cute” cat, add a lame baby-talk/internet-talk one-liner and spread it around. That’s all you have to do. If we’re going to pretend cats are people and can say a sentence, why do we assume they can’t speak or spell properly? Why the random z’s and random misspellings? I’ve seen numerous people fall over themselves to see these Photoshop butt droppings. Why? To saw “awww” or to laugh? There is plenty more to laugh at than this crap. I don’t hate those who occasionally see on and find enjoyment in it, but I just don’t want to be eye raped into seeing any myself. I just don’t like cats.
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