BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) THE HONEYMOONERS
Off the bat people hated this because the idea of remaking the iconic TV series into a movie is a horrible idea. Then you’re going to have the people who’ll get racial and complain they made it into a black adaptation. Neither of those two reasons are why it sucks. It sucks because it just wasn’t a good movie. It amazes me too. Cedric the Entertainer and Mike Epps are two of the funniest comedians working today. They’d both had some great spots. They’re not Ralph Kramden and Ed Norton. The Honeymooner’s spawned the Flintstones and tons of people still complain about that. The thing is that it wasn’t just a random plot, it was basically “The Jackie Gleason Show”. The name change and the plot device of him being a bus driver was just to humanize him more for a sitcom atmosphere. It would be like remaking Stanford and Son. Sure Fred ran a junk yard but it was essentially “The Red Fox Show”. This just proves we shouldn’t screw with the classics.
(THREE) A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET
I am tired of talking about this movie. I feel like I’ve written so many words about it that I could have written the script at this point. Sadly, I don’t think there was anything about it that I’ve written that was positive. I didn’t like the tone, the burnt look and casting of Freddy were off, the kids sucked, and it felt way too emo.
(TWO) THE KARATE KID
How weird is that Will Smith produced a movie about a karate learning kid and he cast his own son? Coincidence? Hmm. It’s not that Jaden Smith is a bad actor. He’s been pretty awesome in other things, but this movie just didn’t work. Jackie Chan really didn’t mesh well with the kid. It had all the training and fight stuff of the original, but it really lacked the heart. The kids are too young to have swagger and it felt like a kid’s day dream as opposed to a relatable reality. Yeah, I’m over analyzing it. So what?
(ONE) WILLY WONKA & THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY
I love Johnny Depp. Let’s get that out of the way. Only dickheads hate Johnny Depp. I truly believe even the terrorists would be fans of Johnny Depp. He’s awesome and his filmography is great. That said, I hated Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Johnny Depp and Tim Burton’s version of the Roald Dahl book sucked ass. The imagery was a little too off-putting and the tone was really awkward. It was an interesting performance, but it wasn’t enough to make this movie anything close to as magical as the original movie. Gene Wilder rocked that shit in 1971.
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