BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) THE BANNING OF SETH MCFARLAND
Family Guy sucks. The Cleveland Show sucks. American Dad sucks. I will say American Dad didn’t completely suck at start, but gradually laid right into a sucky comfort zone. I just don’t see the redeeming quality here. Family Guy is all pop culture references, crude jokes, and no substantial plot. I’m a fan of pop culture and crude jokes, but I need a plot. Without a point, crude jokes are just mean. On shows like The Simpsons you know there’s some heart there and no matter how far out there they go, that heart is still here. Even Southpark has more heart than these shitfests. It’s the lowest common denominator of non-reality TV.
(THREE) LONGER DAYS/SHORTER WEEKS
This is a weird one, but the saying “there just isn’t enough time in a day” is true. If you don’t agree then you’re just not trying hard enough. I’d much rather have six 27 hour days. Why are we sticking to this rule? Because of the farmers or something? We do we HAVE to define time the same way? Okay, whatever. “Look everyone! Mike is trying to rewrite logic again!”… I AM a bit weird, but I feel strongly about this one.
(TWO) HALTING THE PRODUCTION OF TECHNOLOGY
I like technology, but I’m too far behind. I don’t have a cell phone, anything made by Apple, my TV is still standard def, the only two video game systems I own are NES and SNES, I’ve only texted like twice in my entire life, and to be honest I’m pretty content. Let’s be perfectly honest here. I’m calling for this shut down specifically so I can catch up with all of you rich jerks.
(ONE) THE ANNUAL REALITY SHOW REALITY SHOW
Everyone does this. EVERYONE hates reality television. People won’t be shy about bitching about it, but then almost like a domino effect the person will go into a cop out of “well, I just watch (place show here), and (place show here), and (place show here), and (place show here)… but the REST suck!” Just because it’s on Discovery or some other non-typical channel doesn’t make it ANY different. A reality show is a reality show is a reality show. The idea here is to have a reality show where reality shows compete to see who will win the coveted spot of “the ONLY reality show allowed on TV”. Yes folks, the winner gets to stay on the air…. For one 30 minute episode on Lifetime.
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