BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) SUBLIME
Hey look! It’s grunge Jack Johnson! Did Sublime have a few good songs? Sure. Does that merit them a Hendrix/Doors-like “stoner status”? Not at all. Someone tell head shops PLEASE. They smoked weed and had a song about smoking two joints! They sound like surfers singing overly sung Bob Marley songs. I appreciate them a little for what they did and how they did it, but from a music stand point I’ll sleep well without hearing some chick “passionately” attempt to sing along to a Sublime song. You’re not a hippie and your singing sucks.
(THREE) NEIL YOUNG
He’s Canadian. Do I need to say any more? I mean of course I’m on his North-loving side when it comes to the whole Skynard “Sweet Home Alabama” thing. I respect Neil Young for his longevity, but I can’t say I find any of his work something I connect with. To be honest, he sorta creeps me out. In the 90’s he had a resurgence because aging grunge acts started feeling guilty about wearing all the flannel. Yeah, he’s like a cross between a caveman and a farmer.
(TWO) COBRA STARSHIP
I don’t get this. What’s the appeal here? Cobra Starship makes music that you’d hear in a direct to DVD American Pie sequel or National Lampoon student project movie. They’re a pop rock band that make some of the most generic rock music I’ve ever heard. It’s not offensively bad or anything, but it’s offensively void of substance. I’m sure it’s fun music to dance around to at a party, but are you going to remember any hooks, chorus, or any beats? It’s disposable as music gets.
(ONE) EVANESCENCE
Emotionally unstable bar girls don’t ditch your Hot Topic gift cards just yet! You can now cry your black eye linered eyes out to something other than Staind. Evanescense is generic “gloomy girl rock”. It’s like if you took the worst parts of Korn and the worst parts of Linkin Park and put them together only to then take the worst parts of that…. then once you have THAT mix it with the most watered down version of Lacuna Coil you can dilute. Basically, it’s boring pseudo-goth rock ballads. Not cool, man! Not cool!
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