BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) LIFTING THE SMOKING BAN
I quit smoking going on a year and a half ago. I quit being an American never. Yet, people are stuck in this mentality to tell people to stop doing things. Not just bad things like murder, stealing, and all the normal “major sin” type of stuff. I’m talking about the simplest things out there… like smoking. I’m not saying we need to sit them with us non-smokers, but let them have their section. You’re NOT going to die if someone’s smoking in the same room as you. If the person is being a dick and blowing smoke in your general direction or letting it flow right into your face then THAT person is a dick and should be banned from life. Leave the smokers alone. From experience I can say that people are dicks about smokers. They look down on you like you’re lower class. They make you go out in the cold to endure your poison. A well directed stream of smoke and an open window will do just as fine. Candy and junk food are killing a lot of people too, should we ban people from eating bad food in public? Loud music is bad for your ears… should people not be allowed to use headphones in public? Secondary smoke? Ha! You have MORE important things to worry about. If you don’t then I suggest a hobby...
(THREE) SOCIAL MEDIA AGE LIMIT
People are SUPPOSED to be like 18 for Facebook, aren’t they? Maybe even 16 or something. I don’t know. I just know there is a limit to make sure younger kids aren’t allowed to get on Facebook and the like. This is for obvious reasons. Why not a cap on age too? Why not cut people off at 30? or I’ll even sacrifice myself and say 25? Older people just shouldn’t be poking people. It’s wrong. I think they should be forced to go to the Social Network retirement home. How about we just use MySpace for THAT? Never update it again. Leave it be. Make it simple. Let the old folk roll with it…
(TWO) GIVE HOCKEY TO CANADA
Canada and America are like cousins. We come from the same place, but we have our own experiences and world of quirks. They have moose, we have cars. They have Mounties, we have Mall cops. They have their food, we have ours. There’s tons of little things. Hockey though? Let’s just let them have it. I know more of the teams are in the US, but we can just move them all and let Canada have it. NHL needs to go away. We have too many sports as it is. We’ll keep NBA, NFL, MLB, and the odds and ends. Canada has nothing going for it. Famous people from Canada are now Americanized. Justin Bieber, Seth Rogen, Drake, Michael J Fox, and others are now America, baby. I don’t even like some of those people, but I accept them as American now. It’s just the way it is. You can have Wayne Gretzky.
(ONE) HALLOWEEN II
Everyone loves Halloween so why can’t we have another? What if we had Halloween II in June? It’s perfect. Kids can celebrate getting out of school by dressing up and getting free candy. The only problem is that if it’s too hot the candy can melt. On the adult side, imagine it! Women are already getting extra slutty for Halloween, but imagine if it were during the summer?! Laws would be broken. My pick for the date is June 6th. Then if trick or treating started at 6PM, it would be 6/6 @6… Evil! C’mon folks! Let’s do this! HALLOWEEN II!!!
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