BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) OSMONDS
I think we’d all agree we’d do some pretty messed up things in bed with Marie Osmond. You’d almost have to by the laws of nature. I’m not trying to be creepy or disrespectful, but I think anyone who knows these people would agree. This family is just creepy and overly artificial. Too many matching sweaters and nights of cocoa for there to be any real substantial sanity left. Donny Osmond is a demon.
(THREE) JONAS BROTHERS
I know they’ve really faded off the pop horizon. They’re quickly becoming “this generation’s Hanson boys” and I don’t see any signs of that not being the natural route. They were HUGE for awhile, they settled down, solo work pops up, and their stock levels out. I’m sure they still have diehard fans, but with each day that passes these former kids are discovering bad language and connectable substance. That’s my problem. These kids were okay at their skills, but they were REALLY artificial feeling. The Disney, “promise ring”, dead eyes, and all of that put them at a huge disadvantage for a late 20’s hard rock fan. I still can’t get over their performance with Stevie Wonder. The soulful embellishments by the band like “C’mon Stevie!” or “Tell’em Stevie!”… all of that STILL stands out to me. It just really rubbed me the wrong way.
(TWO) OASIS
Talk about the most overrated band of this generation. Yeah, they were English, a little popular, and had “mop top” looking people in the band. They were never and will never be in the same discussion as The Beatles. Still, for some reason dumb ass fans kept them relevant enough throughout the years that they thought we all gave a shit about which boring as shit brother said or did what. All I know is one is a pussy, one is an asshole, and they’re both dicks. That’s enough to keep them busy for awhile.
(ONE) KINGS OF LEON
There aren’t too many bands that I can look at like this. Kings of Leon is one of those bands that if I hear someone is a fan of I can never look at that person the same again. It’s like a loved one telling you they “Love Larry The Cable Guy”. It freakin’ hurts! What bothers me is that the band was put together because of the family gimmick and the whole “southern pretty boy indie rock” image BEFORE certain members even learned to play an instrument. They’re The Monkees with as assload of pretentiousness.
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