BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) FIGHTING ALL OVER
I love wrestling and I love the four sided ring. It’s a standard that needs to remain for wrestling to be wrestling. Without the four sided ring it’s a badly acted action movie. Still, I like seeing well built matches and rivalries go that extra distance. By that I mean they take their fight out of the ring. They’ll fight at ringside, in the crowd, in the stands, in random hallways, outside, on top of and inside of Uhauls, in lakes, bathrooms, etc. It’s not happened all that much in recent years, but when WWF had the “Hardcore Title” and when ECW ran shows it was a lot more common. I don’t want this every match. Hell, not even every show… I just don’t want the concept completely dismissed.
(THREE) TASSELS
I’m a heterosexual man so tassels aren’t part of my normal repertoire. I know that sounds sexist, but unless you’re in the circus, the theatre, or gymnastics there aren’t many opportunities to wear tassels. With wrestling, it’s perfectly normal for someone to be wearing the occasional tassel. Be it on their jacket, arms, or my favorite… their boots, it’s always a fun visual to see someone flying around like that. It’s like a half-decent long haired wrestler selling. The hair flying in the air is just another little dramatic visual that adds to the art.
(TWO) CRYING CHILDREN
I really really really hate seeing a child cry or be upset. It’s sad for the most part and even if the kid is a dick the sound is annoying. There’s just something really uncomfortable about a kid crying. Maybe it’s the paternal being in me, but I just don’t like it. EXCEPT in wrestling. There is something magical about a kid getting so worked up over wrestling that they cry. When their hero loses, when the villain scares them, when they’re so extremely happy, and all the emotions in between. We grow up and become jaded people. Getting lost in the story of a wrestling performance is such a pure thing that I don’t think I can even make fun of them. It’s cute. Yes, crying children are… cute. Yeesh… moving on….
(ONE) OBVIOUS DISTRACTIONS
There are some weird aspects about professional wrestling that people just accept for no reason. I’ve always thought it was stupid that a wrestler could be so easily distracted. The scenarios are lame. Wrestler A is in the ring for a match and Wrestle B’s music hits distracting Wrestler A long enough for whoever his opponent is to roll them up and pin them or attack them. It’s not JUST music. Wrestler B can just walk out and get attention. Wrestler A automatically forgets that he’s in a match and in a fight so he can scowl and shake fists at someone. It’s stupid. Yet… I do love it. QUICK! LOOK BEHIND YOU!
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