BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) HANSEL AND GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS
I don’t know how I feel about this movie, but I do know I want to see it. It’s not very often that we’ll see such a fun and innovative idea. Here we have Hansel and Gretel from the old Gingerbread house story we all grew up with. It’s fifteen years AFTER this incident and now the brother and sister are bad ass bounty hunters out to mess up some witches. How cool of an idea is that? That’s awesome. It could be really cool if done right. I’m somewhat confident it will be. My problem is the odd casting. I’m not sold on Jeremy Renner yet and I don’t think I know anything about Gemma Arterton. I’m still open minded so for all I know this could be the movie that makes me their biggest fan. We also get Famke Janssen in a supporting role of some sort. That’s a welcomed addition to any movie. I’m really curious about the high concept story idea, but I’m compelled by the casting. This could be the coolest thing ever or one of the worst. We’ll see…
(THREE) THE GREY
This is not my type of movie, but I’m still wanting to see this. Liam Neeson makes everything better. That “A-Team” movie was WAY better than it should have been and “Taken” was a guilty pleasure for A LOT of people when it came out. He’s just a no bullshit kind of guy. You can’t help but like him. He’s like a white Morgan Freeman and I mean that with as much respect as a human can possibly give. So the movie is about a group of men who get stranded in Alaska after a plane crash. They’re left to fend for their own in the elements, but things get even worse when they’re faced with a battle to the death with an intense pack of wolves. Neeson is just an interesting and believable guy. He’s a great actor, but still doesn’t get all stuffy with bio pic after bio pic and political drama after political drama and period piece after period piece. He takes on a more board range of movies. You have to appreciate that. This would be like seeing a classy old timer like Jimmy Stewart in a hard R rated action movie. I know that sounds weird, but I also know that sounds extremely awesome. The trailer just looks bad ass. It’s like one of those old Mountain Dew commercials with the stoner kid going head on with a ram except the stoner kid is a wolf and the ram is Liam Neeson.
(TWO) GHOST RIDER: SPIRIT OF VENGEANCE
I just think this movie is going to suck to the point that it’s going to be really enjoyable. For some weird reason I REALLY want to see this movie. It’s like waiting to watch a train wreck with trains full of clowns, mimes, and Cirque du Soleil people on board. I don’t want anyone to get hurt, but the colors and movement of said train wreck would be something only describable as beautiful. Yeah, I’m weird. But I’m NOT weird because I think this movie is going to suck. I think EVERYONE expects his movie to suck. I don’t understand why they’re making a sequel to begin with. I remember there were talks about someone else playing the character, but it’s not the case. We still get the really awkward Nicolas Cage doing the “Ghost Rider/Johnny Blaze” character again. I love Nic Cage, but this role just doesn’t suit him. I did find some merit in the first one. It had a little edge to it. The problem is that this sequel seems to be stripped down and involved a kid in the plot. This is NOT going to be good, but I want to see it to find out just how bad it’s going to be. Yikes….
(ONE) UNDERWORLD AWAKENING
I’m not ashamed to admit that I enjoy this franchise. I think it gets a bad rap, but it’s better than the trailers make it seem. Before I watched it I imagined something gaudier, with more one-liners, and just something cheap and cheesy. Sure it’s not Shakespeare but it’s got some depth to the story, it’s presented very nicely, and I’ve seen much lamer action and science fiction movies. I enjoy the mythos and backstory they build in this. It’s like a really good comic book. If you like vampires, but you prefer them to be bad ass instead of emo teenagers then you should give it a chance. A lot of vampire stories seem to be cut from the same Anne Rice mentality. True Blood went that route and did well with it. Underworld goes a much darker style. They keep the aristocratic and long lineage, but it’s more leather and Matrix than frilly shirts and pointed bang hair. I should stop defending the movie. It doesn’t need a defense. I just needs more open minds. Then again, this is the FOURTH movie so there has to be some sort of success. Kate Beckinsale returns as Selene. She comes back to her world to find that humans now know about her Vampires and the Lycan clans. So it’s human vs. creature in a 3D war. It looks awesome and sounds like a lot of fun. I’ve read speculations that this movie would set up future installments and Beninsale would be passing the torch so to speak. I like that idea. I’m genuinely excited to see this movie. I don’t have huge expectations, but I can’t imagine it being any worse than the first three.
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