BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) LOSER LEAVES MATCH
In theory this is a big deal. A rivalry or feud got so hated that there’s just not room for both of them. So one or both will put the “ultimate” on the line… their career. This is normally a scapegoat for someone to retire, take time off, heal an injury, etc. They ALWAYS come back. The only one that stands out that probably won’t is Shawn Michaels. Ric Flair, Hogan, Funk, Rock, Austin, Sting, and all these older guys and retired icons keep coming back. I’m pretty sure the combined tally of “Loser Leaves” matches those guys had could easily top 20 or so instances.
(THREE) ON A POLE MATCH
It’s all the stretching and slow reaching of a ladder match, but without a ladder and typically a random object or flag instead of championship belt. So pretty much… it’s nothing like a ladder match. The “blank on a pole” match is simple. They put a pole in a corner and the two opponents have to fight and get on the top rope and reach out the “blank”. It’s been flags, contracts, Viagra, random weapons, and other random crap. Lots of random crap.
(TWO) CASKET MATCH
A casket match… you realize this is attempted murder right? It’s kidnapping, attempted murder, and just stupid. The idea here is to put your opponent into a casket in order to be ruled the winner. I’ve enjoyed plenty of them in my life, but it’s still silly. It’s mainly an Undertaker specialty match, but I remember him losing a few. The one from Royal Rumble 94 was insane. It’s just silly. It’s an athletic competition with a casket.
(ONE) TUXEDO MATCH
I put a lot of thought into this one. The absolute silliest gimmick mainstream gimmick match of all time has to be the tuxedo match. For those who are lucky enough to NOT know, the rules are simple. Two opponents show up to the match in tuxedos. To win you must tear, rip, and yank off your opponent’s tuxedo until they down to their underwear or tight equivalent. Wrestling has a hard time as it is when it comes to people making jokes that it’s “gay”. This match concept doesn’t do the profession any favors. I mean… if that floats your boat then cool… but the match is pretty much softcore rape.
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