BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) THE WORLD WOULD BE BETTER IF DREW CARREY AND JAY LENO TRADED JOBS.
Jay Leno is a lame ass personality. I used to defend him and like him, but I just didn’t know any better. He just never evolved. He’s proven himself to be a watered down version of a half smile. His whole shtick is cheesy. A younger version of himself would HATE current Jay Leno. He’s still a pleasant personality… but a lame ass one. Why not have HIM host the Price is Right? It’s the same old people/dummy demographic. On the other hand, Drew Carrey is cool. He’s not like my favorite comedian or host or anything, but I like him. He’s a real guy. I think he’d be a PERFECT candidate for The Tonight Show. He’s younger. He’s accessible to all demographics. He’s got some snark and edge to him. I don’t know if I’d tune in every night, but a Drew Carrey talk show would probably do pretty well in the right environment.
(THREE) PEN PALS ARE DONE.
Unless you’re in jail, I see no reason for writing a letter. I remember when I was in grade school that we got pen pals. The whole idea was that we’d write letters and make “friends” with a kid in a different country. It was a really cool idea at the time, but it’s stupid now. We have the internet. We can email people, video chat, and connect really with ANYONE. Gone is the novelty and ritual of writing a letter, putting it in an envelope, putting a stamp on it, and mailing it out only to wait weeks, sometimes months for a response. And if anyone talks to Chris L. from the UK, tell him I said hi.
(TWO) BABY OIL CONTAINS WAY LESS BABY THAN IT USED TO.
The smell of baby oil makes me uncomfortable. It’s like a sexy WD40, except it’s that really sleazy kind of “sexy”. I think this is because they changed the formula. Back in the day I assume it had a lot more “baby” in it.
(ONE) EDDIE MURPHY WILL NEVER DO STAND UP AGAIN.
Eddie Murphy was one of the greatest stand up comedians of all time. Key word there… “was”. I’m a huge fan of his. Any comedy loving human loves his early work like “Coming to America”, “Trading Places”, “Beverly Hills Cop”, “48 Hours”, etc. This isn’t surprising. The old stand up specials were classics and people still reference them today. The problem here is that Eddie started making family movies and then he started making BAD family movies. It’s like he slowly grew older and lamer. I still like him. In interviews and appearances he’s still witty as shit and the funniest person in the room. I just don’t see that EVER translating to him getting back on stage for a comedy special. I’d love to see it, but I think it’s a lost cause right now. It’d be like remembering how great Michael Jordan was and then harassing him to go play again. Maybe down the line, he’ll do something as an old man. I hope so. I hope I’m completely wrong about this one.
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