BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) LASER POINTERS
When they hit that certain part of the eye it sucks. Other than that, it’s lame fun. So someone is putting a red dot on someone’s nipple area… so what? Who is this really hurting? Why get so annoyed by it? The person who is doing it is obviously a douche bag and needs to act out. By playing along you’re giving into their pathetic outreach for attention. It’s a lot like “the game”… you shouldn’t hate the “playa”, but rather the very “game” itself. In this case I don’t hate the actual laser pointer, I hate the people who use them.
(THREE) SLEEP
Sleep is awesome. I’m sure it’s not as awesome when you’re not sleeping in comfort, but most people have beds and have adapted enough to find comfort in what they sleep on. Whatever all of that means. You get to recharge your batteries, dream, and if you do it right you can miss out on a lot of lame stuff. There are clothes specifically made for sleeping. It’s like swimming, playing baseball, or anything else that requires specialized clothing. Pajamas are pretty sweet too. It’s not for everyone, but the pleasure of PJs are so rewarding. It’s like you get to be Hugh Hefner for awhile. Basically, sleep is great.
(TWO) STRUTS
I know this one is weird, but I’m charismatic and you have to accept this.I think this is because of wrestling fandom. I’ve always been a fan of “struts”. I appreciate well timed and well earned moments of swagger. Ric Flair had his struts, football plays have victory dances, and rappers typically display swagger-struts in music videos.
(ONE) PEOPLE IN COSTUMES WITH SIGNS
It’s a shitty job, but someone’s gotta go it. Be it pizza place, tax place, cell phone store, or really anything… if I see someone standing on a corner of an intersection holding a advertisement sign while dressed like the statue of Liberty then I’m going to smile… I’m going to wave…. I’m going to show that person a second of respect. Basically, for years homeless people would hold signs in these same spots. Wouldn’t it be better for these homeless folks to instead of being home(less) business owners… they branch out to holding for companies? Toss on a costume and we’re good to go. Nothing feels more American than when I spot someone who actually looks like they’re enjoying themselves while holding a big arrow with a deal on pizza printed on it. USA!
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