BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) BAD ASS
“Somebody call an ambulance!” might be my favorite new line in a movie. Danny Trejo gets another leading role? Count me in. If you were smart enough to have watched and enjoyed “Machete” then you know Mr. Trejo is more than capable of carrying an action film. In this we have Trejo playing a broken down vet who in his later years finally has enough of the bullshit around him. “Old Man Trejo” beating up bad guys and being a bad ass is what ensues. Off the bat I’m sort off put by it because it again feels like a B-movie action flick thing. I enjoyed “Machete”, but I’d like to see him in something different. I do believe the guy has the chops to do a movie that doesn’t involve violence. He’s obviously awesome at it, but I’d like to see him in something that doesn’t automatically remind me of everything else he’s done and a plot that’s not too different than “Hobo With A Shotgun”. I think we all saw that YouTube video of that old man beating up the asshole on the bus from a few years back. Apparently THAT is what the movie is inspired from. I’ll probably watch this movie down the line, but I feel like I’ve already seen it. I might be better off if I just wait for the “Dentist Boy” movie instead.
(THREE) MEN IN BLACK 3
Whoever asked for this… Well, as they say… YOU asked for it! Why is this movie being made? Did we need a sequel to Men in Black? The first two were fine. Why a sequel a million years later? This franchise was solid, but I don’t think it’ll be THAT huge. I have a feeling this movie could flop, but I’ve been proven wrong on way sillier things before. Will Smith time travels into the 60’s to work with Tommy Lee Jone’s younger’s self played by Josh Brolin. We also get Alice Eve, Jermaine Clement, and the always awesome Bill Hader in support roles. I’m sure this movie could be decent, but I’m just not feeling it for some reason. Something about this trailer and movie feels really forced. And dammit… is Rip Torn even in this?
(TWO) MARVEL’S THE AVENGERS
Joss Whedon wrote and directed this. That gives it some cred for sure, but I’m still not 100% about this. We’ve heard about this movie for years now. Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) gets a group of super heroes together to fight off some really bad enemy that’s threatening the world. The super heroes include Robert Downey Jr. as Iron Man, Chris Hemworth as Thor, Chris Evans as Captain America, Mark Ruffalo as Hulk, and a hand full of others. It’s like a comic book nerd’s wet dream. All of these huge characters coming together for one mission has to be great. If the story sucks then the movie will suck, but the ingredients they have here are solid. I can’t see many upcoming movies that don’t have “Directed by Christopher Nolan” on the opening credits being this big. It’s not like they’ve not put in the effort. Those Iron Man movies are a great guilty pleasure and the Thor and Captain America movies were WAY better than anyone expected. I’ll even go as far as saying the last Ed Norton “Hulk” was damn good. I wish they’d have worked it out with him. Ed Norton as “Bruce Banner” on top of this awesome cast would have just been the icing on the cake. I’m not on pins and needles to see this or anything, but I can’t imagine not watching it as soon as I get the chance. This should great in 3D.
(ONE) ABRAHAM LINCOLN: VAMPIRE HUNTER
Holy shit. I want to see this movie right now two times in a row. I heard about this movie back when the book rights were bought. The concept always sounded really cool to me, but I don’t think it really set in. Then I saw this trailer. Did I mention holy shit yet? This movie looks beautiful, the action and fight scenes look cutting edge and stylized in a really cool way, and the aggressive tone pretty much guarantees one helluva ride. You can just tell it’s going to be an epic movie. I don’t understand how this movie will be bad. The crazy vampire twist on one of America’s most beloved history book sections is going to piss off a lot of history teachers, but no one can deny how creative this concept is. The tagline of “Patriot or Vampire?” is cool as hell.
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