BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) YOU WOULD NOT MAKE A BETTER COACH.
Your sport opinions suck. It’s easy to coach from the couch, but if you were actually on the sideline coaching you’d suck. The smartest casual fan is not as smart as the dumbest professional coach. A coach will make bad decisions here and there, but it typically comes from a knowledge or vibe that we, as fans, will never understand. Do you think YOU could tell a Quaterback, a NBA Power Forward, or a major league closer to come out of a game? Do YOU really think you’ll come up with plays, drills, and line ups any better than the guy on the side? You can blame a coach all day, but let the team do their own bidding. If you’re a fan then you’ll be a fan of the team’s overall direction. If you’re not, you’re just being bitter for no reason. Move on.
(THREE) THAT THING YOU LOVE ISN’T THAT GREAT.
We all get a little obsessive on things. I’m not saying we’re all crazy, but I AM saying we’re all a little crazy. We all have our quirks and like what we like. That movie you love isn’t THAT great. That song you love? Yep… not THAT great. Your awesome kid? That kid isn’t THAT great. We’re all over rating things. Nothing is the end-all be-all. Nothing. Everything is subjective.
(TWO) NO MATTER WHAT, STEVE MARTIN STILL ROCKS.
Steve Martin can be ultra-serious trying to talk about his (awesome) banjo playing. He can talk politics, music, and a lot of deep “stone face” type of things. He can make bad kid and family movies. He can do no wrong. Steve Martin is like pizza and sex… even bad Steve Martin is pretty good. When Steve Martin is on… he’s on fire. He’s not on, he’s still in the least simmering.
(ONE) BOOMERANGS AREN’T REAL.
If a boomerang was real we’d all use them for our bidding. I remember as a kid throwing a boomerang and watching it just sluggishly fly and land awkwardly away. It was like a gimpy Frisbee with way too many empty promises. I think this is why I have unexplainable hate for kangaroos and Paul Hogan. Boomerangs… HA!
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