BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) EVERYTHING THAT YOU FEAR IS ON YOUR HOTEL SHEETS IS REALLY THERE.
When you go to a hotel for a night of sleep, there is that moment when your mind has a split second thought of “how clean are these sheets?” The truth is that these are never “new” or “fresh”. They can clean them in a washing machine, but that doesn’t change the fact that people have spilled fluids of all types and done some horrible things on top of them. Everything you can think of… yeah, it’s there!
(THREE) A WOMAN WHO WEARS HIGH TOP SNEAKERS WOULD NOT HESSITATE TO KICK YOU IN THE DICK
I was with a friend recently and saw a girl wearing high top shoes. It’s not that I was checking her out, it was just the sight of short shorts and high top shoes were jarring to my eyes. It reminds me of Napoleon Dynamite with his snow boots. There is nothing appealing about this and it just looks gaudy. Not even the fun gaudy… the bad gaudy!
(TWO) TECHNO MUSIC WAS SENT BACK IN TIME BY SKYNET TO DESTROY US ALL.
Techno isn’t horrible, but I think it should be served in small 30 second doses once every three or four months. Anything more than that is WAY too much. Music has melody and substance, constant “beats” is evil. It puts the listener in a trance and I think there is some sort of subliminal assault going on. So here’s my theory… Skynet sent Techno back from the future to make it easier for Skynet to take over. Please see the Terminator franchise for further instructions.
(ONE) UFC FANS WHO COMPLAIN ABOUT UFC SHOULD BE DEPORTED.
If you watch and support the UFC then you’re most likely not a great person to begin with. You enjoy watching two men beat each other up for sport. It’s barbaric and the rules make it lame. It’s all the same. One guy beats up the other guy until they win. Folks can pretend there is a science to it, but there’s nothing creative or artistic involved. It’s there and I can deal with that. It’s their fans that make it horrible for the rest of us. If you go out of your way to complain about UFC then you deserve to be deported. You’re already lowering your IQ by watching… to complain is like hitting your head with a hammer. It’s like saying “I wish that murder victim was killed with a knife instead of a gun!” Seriously, just stop.
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