BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) RAY J’S FAME
He’s Brandi’s little brother and the dude who screwed the less ugly Kardashian chick. Because of this and a few attempts at music… he’s famous? Wow. I’m sure had a few forgettable singles and all of that, but who cares. The only reason anyone outside of the four people who remember his music is because he’s the dude from the sex tape and the little brother of Brandi. He comes off really douchey in anything and everything I’ve seen him in. He makes Nick Cannon look like “Biggie Shakur”.
(THREE) SNOW BALL FIGHTS
Is it cool to throw ice at people’s faces? If you said yes to that then you should chew on a rock. Why would anyone want a compressed ball of ice thrown at their face in already frozen temperatures? This is assault. I know that’s extreme, but living in the Midwest has provided me decades of shitty cold winters. If I can see my breath I sure as hell don’t want that weird frost burn on my face because someone thought it’d be HILAROUS to throw an ice ball at me. It’s all good and fun until someone gets it in their eye… Yeah!
(TWO) THE BACHELORETTE
It’s a dating show. There is nothing different about THIS show and “Rock of Love” except it’s on a network channel and presented as “event television”. Who cares who these fake people pretend to hook up with? What redeeming quality does this show have? What is gained from this show? Is anything “learned”? Watching this show, and especially talking about it on the internet, is vomit-inducing. At least with the shitty talent shows they at least provide an illusion of skill. This show makes me hate roses…. And fans of The Bachelorette.
(ONE) Y.O.L.O.
If you use the term “YOLO” you’re a bad person. This is the type of douche-baggery that’s up there with Jersey Shore-isims and the word “swag”. For those fortunate enough to not have experienced this I’ll help you out. This is an abbreviated version of the line “You Only Live Once”. This is technically true… unless you’re a cat… or a zombie… or Jesus Christ. Yes, folks… if you say “YOLO” you’re denying Christ’s resurrection. Not cool, assholes. Not cool.
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