BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) WHO DECIDED TO EAT LOBSTER?
Lobsters are little sea creature monsters. They have evil little eyes, horn looking things, and CLAWS! If they were bigger Japan would have horror movies about them. Who the hell decided that these little vulgar displays of nature were edible? I’m pretty sure someone was being chased by a lobster. The chase leads the person to trap it in a pot of boiling water. The lobster perished. The person took a deep breath of relief, smelt the air, and thought “What if I add butter?” Figuring out to crush the shell and eating around it is a whole different story.
(THREE) HOW WEIRD IS FOREIGN LANGUAGE REDUBS ON TV SHOWS?
Imagine if you were watching Full House and then out of nowhere Joey Gladstone was speaking in Chinese. That would be some rough stuff to handle. I know it’s silly, but if you’re used to seeing something and hearing it in a certain way it’s pretty mind blowing to hear it sound weird. I also question if certain American actors have specific foreign redub actors who do their voice. Do foreign people then get used to THAT voice? Oh man… Cut! It! Out!
(TWO) BOOMERANGS… THEY DON’T WORK, DO THEY?
It was all a ruse! As a child I saw movies like “Crocodile Dundee” and ate snacks like Dunkaroos. By this I mean that I was interested in the Australian way of life. This includes the cool weapon/toy that is a boomerang. Eddie Murphy even made a movie about them! It was basically a piece of a Frisbee. In the commercials and in the media they want you to believe a boomerang could be thrown and it would slice through the air, curve, and then end up back in your hands. It was too good to be true. I’m not wrong in saying this was one big scam, right?
(ONE) WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE?
This is a good question with a simple answer. In a perfect world good things would only happy to good people. It’s only fair, right? Well, sadly no. Shit happens. No matter what happens, a big chunk of life is random. You can work towards controlling your world and being safe, but shit is out of our hands. There has to be some sort of cosmic answer to this.
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