BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) WHY ARE WE LOOKING FOR WALDO? WHAT DID HE DO?
What’s the hap with this dude? Why are we training our children to be on a look out for this weird white guy in glasses with red and white striped clothing? It all sounds a little fishy if you ask me. There has to be a reason there are books upon books of books with pictures of crowds with this guy hidden in there. Are they expecting us not to become paranoid freaks? When I see someone that fits the “Waldo” description I have an uncontrollable urge to point at them.
(THREE) WHY CAN’T YOU SWIM ON A POOL TABLE?
It’s call a pool table… A pool! People swim in pools. Why can’t people swim on a pool table? I’m sure there is a history there, but why does a billiards game require a snorkel? This is just some nonsense we collectively ignore as English speaking people. I’m all for people naming their creations whatever they want, but this would be like a chess board a “water balloon board”. That makes sense if you think about it…. Just think about it.
(TWO) WHY DON’T VEGETARIANS FEEL BAD FOR MURDERING VEGETABLES?
Most vegetarians have a strong sense of caring and spirituality. One of the main reasons a lot of people don’t eat meat is because they don’t feel its right to harm animals. When they are slaughtered they feel it. What about murdering vegetables? They are from the Earth. Who are we to say they don’t have some sort of souls or some kind of something? Are we that naively egotistical to think we’re the only ones with feelings? C’mon, folks… you’re making baby carrots CRY!
(ONE) WHAT’S UP?
This is a great question. It’s become a greeting that people just casually use. Hell, Budweiser even made it a slogan for a while. It’s a question… what is up. It’s a pretty easy question. All you have to do is tilt your head and aim your eyes upward. Is there a ceiling? A sky? A coffin lid? You can literally give a literal answer. Somewhere in time it became a rhetorical question. Quite possibly the best of all time…
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