BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) RIHANNA’S APPEAL
Imagine if one of those mechanical animals at Chucky Cheese, or Celebration Station for the cool kids, was singing a bad Bob Marley reggae cover. That’s a pretty horrible thought, isn’t it? Now imagine said mechanical animal malfunctioning and sounding really robotic. Based on the “hit” singles I’ve heard, the videos, the performances, and everything about this “talent” I’ve been force fed, this is the sound that Rihanna should aspire for. She’s trying really hard to get this sound, but falls short. I don’t understand her appeal at all. Musically it’s more disposable than the poppiest of Britney and Christina TRL tracks and way less memorable. Her “image” is a joke. She comes off as trying REALLY hard to be edgy and “unique”. The end result is always a soulless shell displaying the latest in S&M wear while looking bored and angry at the same time.
(THREE) OCTOBER FESTS & VARIATIONS
I like October fine enough. It’s one of the better months of the year if you ask me. I just don’t get what’s up with all the “Octoberfests”. It seems to be a little excessive. I know some of the celebrations are nationality based, but why is everyone trying to get drunk in October? Are people scared of winter? The part that irks me most is the horrible pun approach to the name. How many stupid radio stations have done ROCK-tober Fests! or horror related event called SHOCK-tober Fests! or even SOCK-tober Fests! or porn with COC… yeah, you get it.
(TWO) ALL THE PLAID SHIRTS
I understand certain trends go on and people just latch on without thinking too much about it. I have no problem with flannel shirts at all. Remember when we called them flannel? Now that’s passé. It’s the plaid craze. I think everyone now owns these somewhat fitted, somewhat rodeo-looking, and really lesbian looking plaid shirts. It looks like everyone is on their way to a “Vegan Rodeo”.
(ONE) SOCIAL MEDIA PROPHETS
Do we REALLY need to read this shit? Why do people insist on putting “motivational” and “deep life messages” as their facebook updates? Your self-serving post is going to do nothing put gain you that much needed attention. Now people will “like” the fact that you’re quoting a fortune cooking. I bet you feel really loved after that. Do we need to know someone is going to work out? Everyone should care about their health, but why seek attention because your hobby is making your appearance better? This only comes off as preachy and douchey. Why are you posting some Confucius “proverb” type of shit, but still insist on using slang and the same rhetoric as a “bitches ain’t shit” type of post. I almost rather you post pictures of your random meals. That might actually have more substance.
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