BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) THAT WEIRD “CAR MOVIE” PHASE
I know they still sneak out a Fast and Furious movie every so often, but I can live with that. One of these car movies is enough. When the first Fast and Furious came out there was a huge influx of these fancy car race movies. It’s all hot rods and racing and bad acting. These movies almost took on their own genre it was so bad. I am happy these movies seemed to have fizzled out for the time being. Sadly, the vampire car race movie franchise is riiiight around the corner.
(THREE) SAW MOVIE TRAILERS
I don’t miss the SAW movies because I only caught the first two of them. These movies are just bad. It’s a lame attempt at a plot to let sick people pretend there is a reason for them to be watching torture porn. I sat through the first two movies and that’s all I ever needed. The problem is that they kept making these movies. Even if you were smart enough to avoid the gore porn franchise, I’m sure you had to deal with seeing the promotional trailers pop up on commercials on TV and online. I think they dried up the sicko well because they seemed to have taken a break from these movies. This means us non-gore loving humans can live peacefully! Amen!
(TWO) BLOODY KNUCKLES
Why would people do this? What the eff does anyone need to prove SO BADLY that they take pleasure in a game of bloody knuckles? The whole process of trying to bloody the other person’s knuckles is fun times? Why the hell is this? There is much more to it. You not only have to attempt to inflict bloody pain to their opponent but also absorb the pain and hope your weak fragile skin doing crack open and bleed. Because for this timeless childhood game you have to BLEED to lose. BLEED!
(ONE) NELLY
Remember Nelly? I’m sorry if you do. I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t enjoy a few of Nelly’s bigger singles when they came out. He put out some catchy hip hop pop songs and had a nice run. He snuck out the vulgar stuff like “Tip Drill” and still found time to show up in movies like “The Longest Yard”. I generally don’t dislike Nelly and wish him well, but I’m glad we’re past that kind of hip hop music. Sadly the genre moved into an even more lame and poppier area, but I’m hoping this is a “gets worse before it gets better” thing. Fingers and unmerited Band-Aids crossed!
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