BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) LAST ACTION HERO 2
Last Action Hero came out in 1993, but its legacy lives on forever. Arnold Schwarzenegger plays a fictional movie character who is a bad ass detective. The movie is about a kid who gets transported into the world that this movie character lives in. This means he interacts with the other characters, animated and all. It was a weird concept for a movie and didn’t get nearly as much love as it should have. A sequel could be about a video game character.
(THREE) JUNIOR 2: THE MISTRESS’S SON!
In 1994 Arnold Schwarzenegger killed science when he appeared in a movie as a scientist who undergoes surgery to become pregnant. Yes, HE GETS PREGNANT! It’s a crazy movie and it was just not that good. That doesn’t mean there shouldn’t be more or even a “correction movie” so to speak. In this fake sequel movie, Arnold plays a man whose wife injects him with a chemical that if he cheats he becomes pregnant. Well… he cheats! He cheats with his maid and becomes impregnated with her baby! Menopause Ain’t got shit on the Terminator!
(TWO) TERMINATOR 2: II!
Terminator 2 is the best Arnold movie ever made. In 1991 Arnold Schwarzenegger took part in the sequel of the 1984 classic. What happened would result in Arnold’s best, James Cameron’s best, Linda Hamilton’s best, Edward Furlong’s best, and potentially the genre of action movie’s best outing. That says a lot considering the talent of those names. I can’t stress how great this movie was. The one before this was great and lead into T2 very nicely. Sadly, T3 was bad. Terminator 2 needed a better follow up. How bad ass would it have been if Arnold came back to hang out with Edward Furlong again? The whole plot could be that they were trying to make sure T3 never gets made. How uh-mazing would that be?
(ONE) KINDERGARTEN COP II: MAYBE IT WAS A TUH-MA!
Kindergarten Cop was an American classic from 1990. The thespian Arnold Schwarzenegger performs as a police officer who undertakes the role of being an undercover kindergarten teacher. He’s there to catch a drug dealer and to make sure the dude’s kid and wife are okay. That’s all good and fun. The importance here is the comedic greatness that ensues. The lines like “boys have a penis, girls have a vagina” will last forever. Then there is the most iconic line and deliver of all time with “it’s not a tumor!” That’s not the end of it though. There are plenty of great moments in this movie that should be looked at again in the 2000’s. If we get crazy, let’s get crazy. The only way for the Predator to not destroy the grade school children is if Arnold Schwarzenegger comes back as a kindergarten teacher again. If you wouldn’t pay to see that then you are not a human.
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