BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) POP SINGER VITAMIN C
First off, I don’t dislike or have anything against the girl who dubbed herself “Vitamin C” during the pop diva craze at the beginning of the millennium. She was very attractive, seemed more accessible and down to earth, and had a pretty good voice. My problem with her was always the name. I could never take her seriously. Why not Zinc or Multi-Vitamin? The name just irked me. All I can remember about her is that I found her hot, she had that song about graduating, and her name bothered me. For all I know she’s still on the scene under a different name. If so, good. Just no more Vitamin C… please!
(THREE) FURBYS
This little Gremlin-looking fur ball was one of those annoying Christmas fad gifts from about a decade ago. You’d get one, talk to it, and it would eventually talk back and compute simple things. You couldn’t get it to say vulgar things for the life of me. I never tried, but I heard of many people wanting to get their Furby to drop an F-Bomb. Instead it just sucked. People quickly got tired of this crappy little toy and moved on. Thankfully!
(TWO) SCREAMO’S 15 MINUTES
I’m not a supporter of “emo music” in the least bit. I have no problem with someone putting emotion into their songs and it being genuine, but this genre of music was basically a bunch of dirty hipsters whining and crying into a microphone. I heard a certain emo/pop punk style being referred to as “tattle rock” because it sounds like the singer is tattling on someone. That’s bad enough. The shit really hit the fan when “screamo” became something. It was the same thing but amped up. Scream! Cry! Scream! Cry! Shitty whiney harmony! Scream! Cry! It’s like they heard the Deftones and decided to take the worst parts and make them worse.
(ONE) TALKING BABY PROPAGANDA
“Look Who’s Talking” was a great little franchise in the late 80’s and early 90’s. It had a baby who didn’t necessarily talk, but you got to hear his Bruce Willis narrated steam of consciousness. That was cute and fun the first time out, but then it got worse and worse. They added a baby and then a dog and kept milking it. Sadly, I saw them all more than once. This would have been fine, but then “Baby Geniuses” came out and they had sequels. Then cartoons like Rugrats popped up and more and more and more. Now there are commercials with talking babies trying to sell people insurance or stocks or something. This is NOT funny. Maybe our resources and money wouldn’t be going away at rapid paces if we didn’t make dumb people think that SOME babies can talk. Seriously, stupid people are most likely expecting their babies to talk. If we teach these people that babies, animals, and walls don’t talk then we’d be in a better world.
|
