BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) GRADUATION GOWNS
Who decided this was a good idea? Why do we have to wear gowns on graduation? I’m sure there is some big ceremonial answer to this, but it doesn’t make it right. If you want to wear a gown then you’re cool with this, but why force someone who just spent a lot of time to reach an accomplishment to wear a dress? This is an idea that we should move on from. What’s with the shitty square hats too? This just seems like something we started America to get away from.
(THREE) CANTALOUPE
This is a crappy fruit. It’s too small to be a cool melon and too big to be a “hand fruit” like an apple or orange. This shitty soft-ball sized fruit is not appealing. It doesn’t taste horrible, but it just doesn’t seem like enough to merit eating or wanting. When it’s on a buffet no one eats it. When it’s used as garnish, no one eats it. I’m not saying I hate the cantaloupe, but if cantaloupe is your favorite food then you suck at life.
(TWO) EX-LOVER/CRUSH BABY NAMES
I’ve noticed this lately. People are naming their children after people they used to have crushes on OR they just flat out name their child after an ex-lover. I’m sure this is “innocent”. It just a little creepy to see someone post a picture of their new baby on facebook and announce the name. The first thing that comes to mind when you hear that person say that name is “oh god, you STILL have a thing for her?” I dunno… it’s just weird and weirdly sad.
(ONE) RED LOBSTER
It’s not that I hate seafood. It’s not my preferred food choice, but it’s not horrible. My problem is the actual name of this food chain. I might not be a fisherman or anything, but aren’t all Lobsters red? Isn’t the name of this restaurant a bit redundant? It would be like McDonalds calling their stores “Grey Burger”. Gah-ross!
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