BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) AIR BRUSHED CLOTHING
This trend died in the 90’s, but it still haunts me. Shitty T-shirts with horrible graffiti and badly drawn portraits spray painted on to it was fashionable? Why?! The worst was when someone would wear the badly drawn portrait of someone they know that died. You know the person means well and is showing tribute to their loved one, but how much of a tribute is a shitty flea market shirt that looks like even worse ass once it gets wet. If you currently own anything in your wardrobe that’s airbrushed then you should repeatedly punch yourself in the junk. No reproduction for you. Please?
(THREE) THE OPRAH WINFREY SHOW
I don’t dislike Oprah Winfrey at all. She seems like an okay person and has made herself one of the most known and loved American personalities of all time. She is a success story that should inspire anyone seeking success. That said, her show was EVIL. Dumb women relied on this shit for their guidance in life. If Oprah wants people to see a movie, read a book, support a star, or think a certain way all she had to do as ask. Blind sheep women followed her for everything. It just made a lot of women look bad. It’s cool to look up to someone and all of that, but having your OWN (punny!) thoughts and opinion is much better. I’m sure Oprah would even agree with that!
(TWO) THE EVER SO DOUCHEY RESPONSE OF “REALLY!?”
This still lingers, but it’s finally going away. For a good year or two people the world was on fire with douche bag responses of “Really?!” If you watch SNL, it was popular a few years ago from the “Weekend update” segment. Then “The Miz” in the WWE started doing it. Before you knew it, we’d see soccer moms and little girls say “Really?!” in really bitchy and condescending ways. It’s not even a real question. If you said “really?” before it was an honest question. Now it’s a rhetorical question that serves the purpose of asking “are you serious?” in the most asshole way possible. Really!
(ONE) PEOPLE WHO CHEAT AT ROCK/PAPER/SCISSORS
I think I’m just too old for this game. The more I type and the older I get the shittier my hands are. Its part arthritis and part over-use, but it’s just the way the cookie crumbles. The game of rock, paper, scissors is classic and solves a lot of the world’s problems. The problem I always had was when people cheated. If you cheat at rock, paper, scissors then you’re a horrible person and your life will be filled with pain and hell. The worst is when someone tries to be “cute” with the game and make up new options. I’m not playing rock, paper, scissors, dynamite… no one is, asshole!
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