BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) WHY DON’T WE CALL HOUSES ‘BRICK CABINS’?
For realizes, folks. We have no problem with labeling a home as a “log cabin” or a “wood cabin”, but once bricks get involved it’s a “house”? That’s bullshit. Why can’t we just call them “brick cabins”? It makes just as much sense. If not, why not start calling log cabin’s as “log house’s”? This is just some logic coming to the surface of a pool of buttery urine and lies. Take it as you will…
(THREE) WHAT IF CHICKENS ATE OUR WOMEN’S EGGS?
You do realize that when you eat an omelet you’re eating the eggs of a chicken, right? Despite the fact that it’s tasty, it’s still a chicken’s egg. It came out of a chicken with the natural intention of being a baby chicken. This is all perfectly normal to us. The crazy thing to think about is the reversal of it. What if we fed chicken’s the eggs of human women? Sounds horrible and gross right? Enjoy your Egg McMuffin, folks!
(TWO) DOESN’T WRITING IN “CURSIVE” SEEM UNLUCKY?
In school we learn to print and then we learn cursive. It’s a “classy” and “adult” form of writing. It’s a lot of swooping motions and neat loops making up the letters and words we use to communicate. I like it and appreciate its use. It’s the name that irks me. “Cursive” sounds like “curse” to me… While it’s not a full “curse”… it’s “curse-ive”. I’m starting to think that bad things happen to those who don’t print. Don’t say I didn’t warn you…
(ONE) WHY DO FARTS AND TITS HAVE THE BEST NICKNAMES?
I’ve thought about this for a long time. I’m convinced that farts and tits have the best nicknames ever. There are mean nicknames to use against people, the male genitalia has plenty of nicknames, and I know there is plenty of things that have cool names. Drugs for instance! There are plenty of cool names for drugs. It’s just clear as day that farts and tits have the best nicknames. You can literally go through the alphabet and think of cool names for farts and tits for each letter. And then once you get to Z, you start all over again with another batch of “fun bags” and “cheek squeaks”. Fun times.
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