BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) VHS RENTAL STORES
Not just Blockbuster or Hollywood video. I miss those shitty little rental stores with posters on the wall older than you. I used to love going to new video stores and renting old and obscure “Coliseum Video” WWF tapes and PPVs. The same can be said for horror movies and random cult hits too. It was a hunt for entertainment back then. We had to earn our prize and then when we get done we have to rewind the tape…. Or else!
(THREE) LUCILLE BALL
I LOVE Lucy. When I was a kid I’d watch the old black and white shows and enjoy it. As an adult I grew to really appreciate why it was funny. Lucy was great. She was one of the best comedic performers of all time. It just doesn’t seem like she gets nearly enough credit for her impact on comedy. There have been tons of hilarious women in comedy and entertainment, but not many match the awesomeness of Lucy.
(TWO) 1-900 NUMBERS
For a while 1-900 numbers rocked the world. It was sex lines, psychics, friend lines, gossip, news, and tons of specialized bullshit. You’d call and then be charged by the minute. It was a HUGE scam that made people a lot of money and got a lot of kids in trouble. I don’t miss the numbers. I honestly never called a 1-900 number, but I LOVED the commercials. Cheesy actors and tons of unmatched hype… call now! Just $2.99 a minute, baby! (wink)
(ONE) OLD TIMEY BURGLARS
Burglars are creepy and scary these days. I miss the old timey burglars who dressed the part. Basically, I miss the Hamburgler and Adam West era Joker’s gang. The striped shirt, the stocking cap, and either the eye make-up or the black cloth with eye holes was awesome. If you saw someone dressed like this lurking you’d know to call the police and that they were up to no good. No a day, criminals have smartened up. Don’t wear crime-related uniforms when doing crimes!
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