BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) HOCKEY FANS
Why do you like hockey? Why not just get behind soccer? It’s the SAME EXACT THING except it’s done in proper weather and not in long sleeved football jerseys. Or if you dig the whole idea of the fighting then give boxing, MMA, or wrestling a chance. I just don’t see the appeal of watching what appears to be unemployed roofers slide back and forth on ice trying to put a little ding dong lunch cake shaped discus into a net. It’s the lamest of the mainstream sports, but still cooler than NASCAR by a beard hair.
(THREE) HARMONICA PROS
Why would anyone want to be really good at playing the harmonica? Even when you’re “really good” at it, you look like you’re just randomly blowing. Now I’m not saying to just grab it and slobber some hot air into it like a child. I’m saying if you pretend you know what you’re doing and can breathe into a somewhat audible melody then you’re good to go. If you pretend to do anything more than that, you’re a douche.
(TWO) DAFT PUNK FANS UNDER THE AGE OF 28
What did you listen to “Around the World” once? If you’re claiming to be a fan of the electro grouping called “Daft Punk” then you’re a fucking liar! No one over the age of 28 had to really deal with the thudding noise that Daft Punk put out into the atmosphere. If you were old enough to appreciate and like Daft Punk then odds are you do NOT appreciate or like Daft Punk.
(ONE) PEOPLE WHO GET OVERLY ANGRY ABOUT COMIC BOOK MOVIES
Sometimes when a comic book gets made into a movie certain things are changed. At that point a normal person will not give two shits, but then there are those who go ape shit when something is different. These people should be given paper cuts on their eye lids for wasting everyone’s air by breathing and use of ears for making us listen to the bullshit. Folks, these are movies based on characters and stories that are drawn in cheap books for children. If you’re that upset about it, stop reading comic books.
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