BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) NO GOOD EASTER MOVIES
What is there “HOP”? I’m sure it’s an okay movie, but Hollywood does not care about Easter. I know there has to be some movies that involve Easter, but there really isn’t any good “Easter movies”. No one cares about Easter enough to devote time into making a movie about it. It’s just a lame Holiday. I think the biggest is probably the “Prequel to Easter”… “Passion of the Christ”! Wow!
(THREE) PLASTIC FAKE GRASS
This is stupid. This thin green grass looking plastic film is useless. All it does is sit in a basket while eggs, candy, and whatever else is in there gets lost in it. What happens after Easter? You spend weeks finding little strands of this shit all around. It’s like non-slutty glitter that your grandma gives you. Gah-ross.
(TWO) TOO COLD FOR EGG HUNTS
For some reason the death of Jesus is celebrated by forcing children to hunt down colored eggs. Sometimes it’s a real egg, sometimes its candy, and sometimes they put money or something else inside. The reward is NEVER worth the hassle. It’s Easter time. In most areas, it’s cold out. Why do you need to dress you child up in nice clothes, then bundle them up in their winter clothes, and then send them outside to look for things on the ground to put in their mouth? Just hug you kid and give them the damn candy you monsters!
(ONE) CADBURY EGGS
How shitty are these things? You see the same commercials for years and you start to think to yourself “I bet that’s good”. It’s that damn commercial with the real bunny wearing bunny ears. You see the bunny and then you see this little chocolate egg full of this weird white cream. It looks good, it sounds good, and by all accounts it SHOULD be good. The problem is that when you get it, it tastes HORRIBLE. You take one sloppy bite and realize “ugh… this is not good”. Remember that. Don’t get confused… Cadbury Eggs are NASTY. Don’t say I didn’t warn you?
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