BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) WOULDN’T CAB DRIVERS MAKE MORE MONEY IF THEY DROVE BUSES?
This makes perfect sense. If you think about the job of a cab driver, it’s simple. You pick someone up and you drive them to a desired location in exchange for money. Wouldn’t you make more money if you picked up MORE people? Wouldn’t getting a bigger cab… like a bus… make them MORE money? I’m just using math here, people.
(THREE) WHOSE SKELETON IS THE GRIM REAPER?
We’ve all seen the image of the “grim reaper”. It’s a skeleton with a big sickle that wears a long black hooded robe. He’ll show up, take your soul, take you to hell, scare you, or whatever. We know the story. My question is whose skeleton is it? Who IS the Grim Reaper? These are things we need to know. If some strange skeleton comes to you for your eternal existence shouldn’t we at least know the dude’s name? I’m going to go with Kevin. That’s right… “Kevin The Grim Reaper”!
(TWO) WHY DID WE WASTE SO MANY COOL NAMES ON FISH?
I have no problems with fish. I don’t want to see them treated badly, but at the same time I get they are perfectly good food. My problem is why did we waste so many names on fish. I’m not sure what name I’m specifically thinking of, but all of those classifications of fish have names. I don’t know if I’d want to name a kid “Tilapia”, but is it any worse than “Tammy”? I say its better! C’mon… so do you.
(ONE) DOES SANTA COLLECT UNEMPLOYMENT FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR?
I know Santa Claus has to bust his ass and deliver toys to children on Christmas. I’m convinced that he collects an unemployment check the rest of the year. The rest of the time he does what? He tells his army of elf’s what to do? I think they know what they’re doing by THIS point. I’m sure it’s gotta be better working conditions than Fox Valley and the Apple product workers. What does Santa do the rest of the time? It seems a little lazy. One day of hard work does NOT mean someone should get to sit around all day. Is that why he’s overweight? Because he’s not very active? I mean we talks people into giving him cookies the WHOLE NIGHT he’s working… the ONE NIGHT he’s working. It’s bullshit.
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