BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) HOWARD STERN
He’s a tall and recognizable character. Ashton Kutcher would probably do a really good job in playing Howard in a movie. I know that Stern already made “Private Parts”, but it’s safe to say that a lot has happened in the man’s life in the last fifteen or twenty years that’s worth noting. Even if they ignore it and just let Kutcher go nuts with it. This is actually the only idea on the list that I legitimately like.
(THREE) GAYBRAHAM LINCOLN
Is this offensive? Yes. Is it funny? Hopefully. Ashton Kutcher can only play so many famous people because how tall he is. He can lose and gain weight, but he’s always going to be a tall bastard. In this case, why not have him play Abraham Lincoln? Because Daniel Day-Lewis OWNS that shit now and forever. How else can Ashton get an Oscar? Play Abraham Lincoln… as a gay man! Yes people, Gaybraham Lincoln!
(TWO) CHEVY CHASE
Chevy Chase is a tragic person. He was hilarious and had all the potential in the world. By all accounts, he could have very well have been the funniest cast member of SNL. We’ll never know because he’s a dick. He had some awesome movies and all of that and I do find him funny, but he’s a jerk and no one likes working with him. Imagine if he’d been easier to work with and he’d have gotten to be in better movies and better projects. Imagine if Chevy Chase didn’t burn bridges and got to work with cooler people. Bill Murray wins.
(ONE) BRUCE WILLIS
Yes. I know he’s playing Steve Jobs, but he’s been playing Bruce Willis for years. I don’t even need to go into this one. Use your imagination and then make it like ten times worse… I’m in that ball park of mockery.
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