BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) THE EARLY BIRD MUST GET TIRED OF ALL THOSE WORMS.
They say ‘the early bird gets the worm’. It’s a good saying. It’s basically saying that if you show up early you’ll get the best. It’s the idea of “first come first serve”, but it’s even bigger than that. It’s a good life lesson. The literal take on it is what irks me. Birds eat worms all the time, but I’d imagine they’d get tired of them. It would suck to be the early bird. You get there before everyone else. You don’t get to hang out, sleep in, or do anything fun. You just bust ass, show up, and eat the same worms. I guess it’s good you’re getting them though. That’s something.
(THREE) CELEBRITY “ON-STAGE” APPEARANCES.
I’ve been noticing this more and more. It’ll always be a news report, a TMZ video, or some kind of gossip. I remember a somewhat recent story where Prince had a show and Kim Kardashian got on stage. He tried to get her to dance, she didn’t, so he had her get off. These little moments seem to happen all the time. It’s like a “I’m famous, you’re famous, none of these other people are… let’s embrace for their pleasure!”
(TWO) CARTOONS DON’T NEED FAMOUS VOICES.
Cartoons are awesome. The one thing I never understood was why a Disney or a Pixar would go out of their way to sign famous actors and actresses to voice their cartoon characters. It would be fun to watch a cartoon and not imagine Eddie Murphy’s face in a recording booth the whole movie. I know we’ve become conditioned to cheer on our favorites, but it’s a cartoon. Cartoons don’t need to be voiced by millionaires. Why not get an up and coming actor with an interesting voice? Why not get a lesser known?
(ONE) YOU’D THINK A FLORIST WOULD KNOW MORE ABOUT FLOORS.
Seriously. I know a florist is a florist because they deal with floral arrangements. But why don’t we use this cool word (seriously, say it loud and slowly “floooooor-iiiiiissssst”) for people who specialize in floors. People who are “ists” are usually the “ists” of the things the first word of their title is. So a florist should be into floors. It just makes sense. If I want flowers I’m going to call a “flowerist”. If they try selling me carpet I’m going to be piiiiiiiiiiiiissed.
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