BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) GIRLFRIENDS IN THE BUSINESS
This one is way too common. I’ve seen it and I’ve booked it. It’s not as big on the mainstream scene. Typically if you have a girlfriend that’s in the business on THAT level they’ve paid their dues of some sorts. It’s just in the indies you’ll see a lot of semi-attractive and out of shape women come out with “their man” in bad costumes and a name that would make a stripper point and laugh because it’s so degrading and shameful.
(THREE) AUTOGRAPH SIGNINGS
These are cool in some aspects, but in general it’s all a farse. It’s mainly conventions these days, but sometimes a book store, a comic shop, or somewhere random will book a retired or former TV wrestler to come and sign autographs. The wrestler sign autographs and takes pictures at a folding table as a small herd of fans are pushed through the assembly line of forced eye contact and half-smiles. And the best part is you get to pay $10 for an 8 by 10 and $15 for a signed Polaroid! OR you can pay $5 to take a picture with YOUR OWN CAMERA. On top of this racket, you’ll normally have to pay JUST TO ENTER because it’ll be part of a convention full of these situations or it’ll be part of a shitty independent show that acts way too dramatic and emotional about someone they’re paying a few grand to actually be standing in their ring. Lame shit all day.
(TWO) RIP-OFF CHARACTERS IN THE INDIES
You used to see this a lot before the internet would bust people out, but it’s still a thing. I can think of a few fake “Stone Cold” characters. One from Chicago really stands out because he called himself something like “Evan Colder”. I was always told he was a nice guy and good to work with, but the gimmick was a total rip off. There are a dozen Doinks, a dozen Patriots, a few fat guys in Flea Market button-ups and glasses pretending to be The Rock, and it goes on and on. People jack the swagger of these iconic characters, but bring no soul to it. It’s pretty much the equivalent of being a cover band. No one REALLY wants to be in a cover band.
(ONE) PRETENDING TO USE MMA
Wrestling is a work and will always be a work. Just because a wrestler starts working out in the same gym as an MMA guy doesn’t mean they’re a MMA guy. I don’t care how much you work out, unless you FIGHT in a MMA fight then just cut it out. I don’t care how cool it looks or where you ripped it off. If you’re not going to at least give it a gimmicked name, don’t put up this stupid front. Be proud to be a damn wrestler. If I want to watch MMA I’d watch REAL MMA. I don’t. I want to watch professional wrestling.
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