BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) KANYE KARDASHIAN GOES AWAY
I used to love Kanye West, but he’s become too annoying of a personality to defend anymore. His first few releases were ironic hip hop albums. He was a trailblazer and started a whole new thing in music. His videos were inspired and things were just enthralling to follow. After a while, even after the Swift scandal, he just got lame. He became Jay Z’s little follower, he’s hooked up with the worst family in “entertainment”, and his music is only heralded by people who are confusing “different” with “good”. It’s true that a pile of shit can be “unique”, but that’s not automatically a complementary adjective. Sometimes people forget that.
(THREE) A REAL WINTER
Thanks to Al Gore’s Global Warming, our weather is all screwed up. The weather is really unpredictable and dangerous. We don’t know what weather fiasco is going to happen next. One thing I’d like to see come back this year is a REAL WINTER. I’d like there to be snow on the ground for more than like three days. I’m not saying I want a winter apocalypse, but there is a certain level of “seasonal need” for snow. I live in the Midwest. Midwest weather is expected.
(TWO) A CHICAGO CHAMPIONSHIP
Hockey is not a sport. What I’m asking for is that either the Bears, the Bulls, or the Cubs win a championship. The Bulls have the potential to do it if Derrick Rose comes back strong. The Bears have a whole new thing getting ready to start so who knows? Then there are the Cubs. I mean, I know I’m asking for a lot there… but it’s still a “wish”.
(ONE) MY ILLUMINATI INVITATION
People keep talking about the illuminati as if it’s this secret society that knows more than everyone else and that runs things. You hear that certain politician, certain musicians, certain actors, and basically anyone of status COULD be part of it. Well, screw this. I want to know. The only way I’d ever be able to find out for sure is to be invited to join this elite group. So if it’s real, I’m open to joining and I’ll never speak of it again. If it’s NOT real, I’m not going to speak of it incase not talking about it is the first rule. It’s the first rule of Fight Club, so why take any chances? So yeah… it’s my Birthday. All I want to invited into the illuminati. Best Birthday wish EVER?! Yes.
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