BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) SPIKEY DYED HAIR
For a lone time people would chop their hair and then get it up all spikey-like. It was big in junior high, but it evolved a bit as time went on. It wasn’t just the gelled up bullshit hair style, but it was also the dye. Lots of dark hair people would get darker tips dyed in and people with lighter hair would go the opposite route. Regardless, it looked bad. Seriously look back and justify it as anything more than a bad hair trend.
(THREE) CLACKERS
I recently saw one of these, but I still don’t condone it. It was a stick with two V-like branches coming off with balls on the end. Each branch and ball would be some bright neon color for some reason. Then the idea was to spin the handle around so that the two V-like ball branches bounce and clack off each other. It’s like paddle ball but with no class at all.
(TWO) SPARK BALLS
I don’t know the proper term for this. It was dangerous and stupid. Basically it was two hard rock balls that when you cling together they crack, pop, and even spark! You could start a fire with this toy item if you were persistent enough. That’s a big problem, but it was also smelly. It smelt like 4th of July all the time. As good as that sounds, it sucks. It smells like gun powder and freshly blown out candles. Your hands smell, you’re starting fires, and you’re playing with balls.
(ONE) WAXED LIPS CANDY
I know these shitty things are part of a lot of people’s childhoods, but I’m sorry. These things were shitty. It’s not a toy and it’s not candy. It’s just some nasty smelling and even nastier tasting wax that you put in your mouth. This is a stupid product. Give me fake plastic vampire teeth over this monstrosity any day of the week.
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