BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) WHAT’S WITH THE RACISM TOWARDS BATTERIES?
Too many devices say “batteries not included”. Since I’ve been a child, I’ve received cool electronic devices and not so cool electronic devices. When you grow up before iphones and pretty much the active internet, you get a lot of crap. Walkman-type devices and things that are supposed to move but break really quick. It’s all in good fun though. I’m appreciative to be part of our culture’s beta testing period during the biggest technology boom. But for realizes… why no batteries? This is a HUGE scam to get more money. It’s like saying “buy THIS… AND THIS.” Batteries are essentially teaching people to load bullets into guns. Lazer tag guns!
(THREE) WHY IS SATAN NEVER A WOMAN?
How come feminist will say that ‘God’ is a woman, yet NEVER say that Satan is a woman? Are you saying that women aren’t strong and powerful enough to be the epitome of evil? I’m offended by THAT. I’ve met plenty of women who very well could have been the worst human being alive. Women seem to get away with this one a little too much. For years it’s been the constant crap mentality that “god is a man”. It’s sadly how most religious people think. But every so often, the woman as god visual comes into play. It’s never the opposite.
(TWO) DON’T EARLY BIRD GET TIRED OF ALL THOSE WORMS?
I know birds eat worms, but imagine getting up every day and going to get these said worms. You have to get up before everyone else and make sure you’re there early. You then have to wait for worms. Even if they love worms, it’s got to get pretty tiresome and boring. Not only are you eating the same thing every day but you’re forced to wake up early every time you get them. It doesn’t seem fair. Shouldn’t the early bird get some pizza every so often?
(ONE) WHO’D WIN: GARFIELD OR ALF?
I’ve thought about this for a while now. That proves how I spend my time is not really that productive ALL the time. Then again, some questions MUST be pondered. Alf is an alien who came to Earth. He’s a domesticated alien who’s main vice is EATING HOUSE CATS! Who’s the most bad ass house cat alive? Garfield! He’s lazy, sarcastic and snappy. He’s pretty awesome. But the problem is that Alf seemed way more energetic than Garfield. He could sneak up on him. But then there’s the Odie interference factor to consider. And IS there lasagna in the room? These are very important deciding factors.
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